Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thankful Thursday


Hello dear lovelies.
It's Thursday {where did the week go},
and that means it's time for me to list what I am most thankful for.
So, here it goes:

1.) My B average in accounting

2.) My new Guess purse that I found yesterday while thrift store shopping
{it still had the tags on it!}

3.) My new cute shoes

4.) Sunshine
{even though it's cloudy today}

5.) The smell of fresh air throughout my home
{I hate the stuffiness that gets trapped in with winter}

6.) The sound of birds chirping by my living room window

7.) Quiet evenings spent at home

8.) The Hallmark channel
{what? they show really good movies}

9.) Laughter
{especially when it comes from Nehemiah}

10.) Sleep
{peaceful rest has been my saving grace}

And this completes my list.

I'm super excited that tomorrow begins
the A-Z challenge!
I already have some pretty cool posts created, and I can't wait to share them.

All my homework for the week will be completed this evening, which means I have a free weekend!

I want to do something fun, and new.
{the bestie and me, plus our kiddos were going to venture to the county park, but it's supposed to snow}
What are your plans this weekend?

Oh, by the way, I'm considering having my blog professionally designed.
I'm a little scared about the idea and the process.
What are your thoughts about blog designs?

Stay Sweet!
T.



Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Battle Zone


I'm so excited to report that…
My accounting average is an 80%! Whoot, whoot! Holla!

And just think, I was failing the course and I was going to give up on it. I owe all my thanks and praise to the Lord God Almighty because this progress is not being made by me alone. I have two more weeks left until the session is complete, and then it's good bye accounting {for now at least}.

I also have another progress report. I began my 30 minutes of walking today. Mom and I took advantage of the lovely weather and headed outdoors. We were on our way and making great strides when my body began throwing a freakin' fit.

Now let me explain something. Living with Fibromyalgia is like living with two of me.
The healthy me says, "Let's go walk and run and become fit. We can do this!"
The Fibro me says, "Oh no, we CANNOT handle this."
"This walking is going to make us ache, and running will ruin our knees {not true, my doc wants me to run}. We are going to become tired and then we'll have a flare up."
 "Stop it this instant!"

I could literally feel the healthy me struggling with the Fibro part of me. My bad leg became heavy and stiff, and then I became exhausted. But I kept going, and mom and I finished our 30 minutes! I had to make the Fibro me take a backseat to the healthy me.

The point at which the healthy me struggles with the Fibro me is what I call the battle zone. It's an all out continual fight to see who is going to take the lead. I pray the healthy me continues to triumph. Even though I did finish the 30 minutes, I am very tired. But I'd rather be tired from exercising than to be tired from doing nothing!

It's going to take some getting used to, but I'm determined to walk my 30 minutes each day. Then hopefully I'll be able to turn that walk into a light run. Either way it goes, I'm being active and that's all that counts!

I want to remind everyone that the A-Z Blogging Challenge starts on Friday, so get ready to check out some awesome posts from everyone who's participating {I sure do hope you find my posts awesome!}.

Stay Sweet My Lovelies!
T.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Easy Like Sunday Morning…Or Sunday Evening Actually

I had pretty good weekend, which started Friday night.  I completed all my back work for accounting, and I learned that I’m no longer failing.  I have a C right now, but I still have a few more weeks to try to improve.  Trust me, I’m not complaining as I will take a C over failing any day!  My professor has been continually emailing me, and I think this makes me more driven to succeed.  I think I did much better than I expected on my midterm, but I won’t know until later in the week.  Nehemiah and I also had game night before I started in on the hw, and we played until his little brown eyes couldn’t stay open any longer!
As I mentioned on Friday, mom and I had a retreat to go on Saturday.  I was looking forward to the retreat because I had learned so much last year.  Well…um…this year I can’t say the same.  I didn’t bring home the tiny jewels that I had hoped to add to my spiritual treasure chest {nice huh}.  Plus, later that night my tummy started bothering me and I found out my mom had tummy {can you tell I’m a mommy lol} troubles too. 
Sunday morning I did something I haven’t done since around October, I attended service at my old church.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that experience!  After church, Nehemiah and I came home and enjoyed one of our long Sunday afternoon naps. 
Ahh, there’s nothing like sweet sleep.  I just love me some Sundays!
This hasn’t always been the case.  Sundays, or even the thought of Sundays, used to make me cringe.  It was because I knew what day followed, and that meant I had to go back to the place I didn’t enjoy; work.  Now that I’m home {due to the seizures}, I love me some Sunday evenings!  Nehemiah and I go to church, come home and nap, go to my parent’s house for some yummy dinner, and then we come back home.  Home is often my favorite part of the day.  I don’t clean, I don’t worry about laundry, and I don’t worry about homework.  I make a palate on the floor, or I sit in my comfy recliner and I just read.  Nehemiah is usually fast asleep, so I get the luxury of reading late into the night. 
I sit and read for hours.  It’s during this time I usually finish my books.  It’s a nice way to end the weekend and to welcome the beginning of the week.  This time has saved my sanity.  There’s nothing like getting so involved in a book that you forget about reality. 
I’m just saying; I love me some Sunday evenings!
And by the way, can you believe that 22 people actually care about what I have to say! 
I’m lovin’ it!

Stay Sweet and Have a Great Week!!
T.   


Friday, March 25, 2011

Run Girl Run


The sun is shining today, but guess what it's only 22 degrees outside! I don't know what happened to spring, but I sure hope it comes back. Oh, and there's snow covering the ground but we won't talk about how angry this makes me. Anyway, I'm still plugging away at my accounting work, and I think I'm beginning to understand some of it. I'm almost finished with the second half of my midterm, so I will keep you posted on how it goes.

On another note, I read Heather's blog {make sure you check it out} and it got me thinking about the unavoidable topic of exercise. Let's remember last year around this time I was hitting the gym five days a week! That all had to stop because of the health issues I was having. Now that I'm pretty healthy I think it's the perfect time for me to get active again. Due to the Fibromyalgia I've had to change my eating habits, and I'm proud to say that I eat better than ever. I've also had to cut out red meat because it bothers my tummy, so I only eat chicken, turkey, and fish. I'm not sure if I want to go back to the gym, but there is something I've wanted to do since last year.

I want to start running. Yes, I want to be a runner. The only problem {besides the ones that include my nose constantly running and me hacking to my death} is I don't know how to start. We have two tracks that I could use or I could run around my neighborhood, so that's not really the issue. Here is my issue: Do I start off walking and then run, or do I alternate walking and running? If alternating is the case I can bet that most of my time will be spent walking. I already have a good pair of running sneakers, so now all that's left is the actual running part. Seeing that I'm accident prone, I think I will wait until there's no more snow on the ground. Hopefully that will be next week!
I need all the help I can get, so feel free to leave me any tips.

On another note my mom and I are going to a one day retreat tomorrow. We went last year and it was awesome. I learned a lot about building your relationship with Christ. I can't wait to find out what we're focusing on this year!

Have a Happy Weekend and Stay Sweet!
T.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Yes I Can!

I spent a lot of time in prayer yesterday,
 and I actually wrote in my journal for the first time since January.

I went to the library to write, and I enjoyed the atmosphere and the quiet.
Putting down my experiences, fears, and feelings on paper was a way for me to let it all go.

I even wrote about the breakup, which was a topic I had been avoiding.
For some reason I felt that if I wrote about it on paper, it would make it real, which in the end meant it was really over. I discovered that I'm okay with the fact that it's really over.
It's time for me to move forward.

When I was done writing, I had a clear head and I decided to review my options for my class.
When I got back home, I checked my school email and I found this:

Hello Thomasina,

The biggest variable that can work in your favor (or not) is how you self message yourself.  If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself "I'm a winner, yes I can," you'll do it!!!
Please, please don't give up.  I have faith in you.
Remember, "yes you can!"

 I'm with you.  Don't be afraid.
I received this email from my accounting professor in response to the email I sent her.
In my email, I stated that I didn't think I could pass the course, so I was just giving up.
My plan was to fail the course, and then retake it next session.
After much deliberation and correspondence with my professor {and my mom}, I decided…

NOT TO GIVE UP!

I'm going to finish and pass this course.

It's funny how an encouraging word {or email in my case} can remedy feelings of discouragement and doubt.
I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I called and informed my mom of my final decision she said something amazing:

"Remember to tell yourself that you can do this. I've believed in you all along."

Remarkable.


This Thursday I'm thankful for kind words and for the love of my family and friends.
I'm also thankful for all of you who left me encouraging words.
I get comfort in knowing that you all care about my success.

Stay Sweet and Don't Forget to Tell Yourself

"Yes I Can!!"

T.

 

 

 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Breaking Point


Although today is Tuesday, I'm not going to link up for Target Tuesday. 
This is because I need to get some things off my chest, and out my head.
I'm struggling with school.  I mean really struggling. 
I'm having panic attacks.
My head is aching.
My stomach is upset and I can't tolerate food.

 
I'm at my breaking point.

 
I don't know how much more of this I can withstand.
My faith is dwindling because I feel all alone, like I'm not getting any help.
The more I pray, the harder it all becomes.
I'm losing my ability to function.
My whole life is based upon and around school.

 
I'm mad at this stupid accounting class.
I'm mad at online education.
I'm mad that I have to cover 15 weeks of material in 7 weeks.

 
I'm mad at the laundry that needs washing and folding and putting away.
I'm mad at the dishes that need washing.
I'm mad at the floor that needs vacuuming.

 
I'm mad at myself for possibly taking on more than I can handle.
I'm mad at myself for being so incredibly stressed out.
I'm mad at myself for believing that I can't accomplish my goal.
I'm mad at myself for not being able to do everything that needs to be done.
I'm mad at myself for not being able to understand accounting.
What am I supposed to do?

 
I'm at my breaking point.

 

 

 

Friday, March 18, 2011

Will There Be an End?

I'm feeling some type of way today.
I'm totally unmotivated and I woke up with a double dose of daily anxiety. Yes friends, I have anxiety and if I'm not careful that anxiety will turn into a seizure.
The main reason for my anxiousness is this accounting class I'm taking.

It's beyond difficult, and no matter how many hours a day I spend studying I still manage to fail the quizzes. The quizzes are ambiguous, and personally I don't think they make a fair attempt for success. Not to mention, the freakin' teacher called me by my last name, and this made me realize that she probably doesn't even know who I am!
I am not just a number dear accounting professor, I am a human being and I would like it if you took the time to realize that my name is Thomasina.
Thanks, bye.

The weather is beautiful and the sun is shining, and I want to be outdoors enjoying it.
I studied outside for a bit yesterday and it was a nice change of scenery.
I just wish I could accomplish more in a day besides studying accounting.
Luckily my mom comes over almost every day to help me out.
She's terrific, and I love the fact that she encourages me whenever I feel like giving up.

It just seems that I don't have time for anything, and I feel like I'm sacrificing so much.
 I want to get back into scrapbooking, but it's been put on the back burner for a very long time.
I want to go back to reading a new book every two weeks.
I try to read every night before bed, but lately I've been up late with accounting.

I still have a very long road ahead of me for my undergrad work, which is making me rethink online education.
I'm starting to wonder if I will ever really see the rewards of all my hard work.
I hate when I start feeling this way.
Can I really see this all the way through?

Can anyone else relate to my anxiety?

Have a Fabulous Weekend, and Do Something Extra Special For Yourself!
T.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thankful Thursday

Is it just me, or do you find that it’s much easier to complain  
about the not-so-good things in your life? 
Does the bad ever consume you and take your focus off your blessings? 
Well this is all true for me, so I’ve decided to do something called Thankful Thursdays. 
I’m tired of giving so much energy to negativity. 
It’s time for me to stop and smell the roses orchids.
 
So here is my very first list for thankful Thursday:
1.) Salvation
{i’m determined to run this race without so many stops along the way}

2.) My amazing and supporting family

3.) Nehemiah
{i love those little fingers and toes}

4.) The smell of fresh air

5.) My improving health
{i’m almost 2 months without a seizure!}

6.) School
{although it’s challenging it will pay off in the end}

7.) Books
{i'm in love with reading}

8.) My new great-niece
{she’s so precious}

9.) All the new blogs I’ve discovered

10.) My followers
{you always leave me such sweet comments}

So that completes my list for this week. 
What are you thankful for?
Stay Sweet and Enjoy the Beautiful Weather!
T.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Rain

This morning I woke up to this
{image}
I love the change from snow to rain.

 {although I'll admit I do love the snow in the beginning of winter}

I love the smell of rain.

It's so refreshing.

It's a reminder that spring is in the air.

This year I'm looking forward to the change in the season.

Spring cleaning renews the ordinary; it brings it back to life.

With the wipe of a cloth, something dead becomes alive again.

The sun stays around longer, and days become more enjoyable.

Just like the new year, spring is a chance to start over.

I needed a chance to start over.

Winter was long and painful.

It was gloomy and gray.

 When I went outside this morning and smelled the fresh rain, I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

Thank you Lord for spring.

Thank you for spring cleaning my heart. 

Thank you for bringing my dead heart back to life. 

Thank you for washing me clean.

Thank you for the rain.


Happy Wednesday Everyone!

T.



Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Target Tuesday #2

It's Tuesday, and ya know what that means...

Target Tuesday with Tara

So here is my list for the week. 
And don't forget to check out Tara's blog to see who else has linked up this week.





#2.) DwellStudio® for Target® Foliage Comforter Set
{reminds of spring and fresh air}

#3.) 21 , Adele
{love her voice}


#5.) JK Jemma Kidd Strike A Pose Swivel Palette
 {like i need more eyeshadow}

#6) Amazon Kindle Wireless Reading Device with 6" Display and Free 3G + Wi-Fi (Latest Generation){should have bought this when i had the chance, maybe next time}

#7.) Xhilaration® Zebra Shag Rug - Black/White
{i really, really want this rug seeing that it matches the black and white theme of my bedroom}
  
#8.) Stick Leaf Carolina Fleece Rug Collection - Beige
{would save this rug for the fall}

Can you believe i don't have any clothing items on this week's list?!

Stay Sweet!
T.  

Monday, March 14, 2011

Grammy


On Friday I woke up with a little tickle in my throat, and by nighttime that tickle turned into a full blown cough. Yep, I caught a cold. So my weekend consisted of sleeping, and then waking up to take cough/sinus meds. I still have the cough this morning, but it's nothing like it was a few days ago.
-----------
Yesterday marked the five year anniversary of my Grammy's death, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Typically this day is very hard for me and for the rest of my family, but this year was different. My family and I had a big dinner, and we laughed and celebrated life! My Grammy would have wanted us to be happy on this day, seeing this is the day she went to heaven. That's something to smile about.

My Grammy was the type of woman who lived what she preached. She loved Jesus with her entire being. She was the model example of what it means to live a Christian life. My Grammy's strongest attribute was her prayer life. She would spend hours making requests to God on behalf of other people! As a child, I remember hearing the passion in Grammy's voice as she talked to God. She was honest with God, and she went to Him boldly. This is the type of prayer life I long for!

I miss my Grammy a lot, and there are many days I wish I could go to her for advice. But one thing I learned from my Grammy is that I can go directly to God. I can tell Him how I'm feeling and what's concerning me.

I just need to work on making time for God, instead of squeezing Him in when it's convenient! This has really been a challenge for me. It seems there just aren't enough hours in the day.

How do you find time to spend quality time with God?

{By the way, if you read my blog regularly please make sure you're a follower!}

Stay Sweet and Have a Great Week!
T.

Friday, March 11, 2011

This is me today


and here's another one
Nothing special about these photos right?
No makeup, pretty clothes, dangling earrings, or fancy styled hair.

So why did I post these pics?

Because when I look this

all natural

 I feel...

 S E X Y!

I'm in my own zone, and when I'm in this place I'm fearless.

I'm confident

and

I'm oh so comfortable!

I love hoodies and yoga pants.

So as you enjoy this weekend remember to do something that makes you feel and look sexy!

Stay Sweet!
T.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Music to My Ears

In a previous post, I mentioned that I had some new tunes.  I love music, what it represents, and how it makes me feel.  The reality of a complete stranger, from a seemly different world, relating to my unique experiences.  Oh, the joy that music brings. 
So, here’s what I’ve been listening to…
1.) Kandi Koated, Kandi Burruss.  Kandi is one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and she’s about as real as they come.  This album is one of my favorites because there are a variety of songs that range from heartache, to cheating, to being a single mother in search of love.  If you check out her website, here’s a hint: scroll to the bottom of the page and pause the Google Ads.

2.) Mission Bell, Amos Lee.  This album is sweet and mellow, with strong, powerful lyrics.  I stumbled upon Amos Lee while listening to music on Pandora, and after hearing one song I was completely hooked!

3.) Kaleidoscope Heart , Sara Bareilles.  Kaledoscope Heart sums up the entire album. 

4.) Hundred More Years, Francesca Battistelli.  This album reminds me that there is nothing that can ever separate me from the love of God.

5.) God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise, Ray Lamontagne.  Soulful and sultry.  Anyone who is familiar with Ray Lamontagne understands the aesthetics of his music.

6.) Move, Third Day.  Wonderful praise and worship music.

7.) Pink Friday, Nicki Minaj.  My very favorite album!! I'm a HUGE Nicki fan, and I love the album's mix of rap and R & B.


8.) Tonight, Toby Mac.  I bought this album thinking it would be awesome, but unfortunately I'm not all that impressed.  There are literally only 2 out 14 songs that I like.  I didn't realize the songs would be mostly hard rock.  Oh well.

So that completes my music list.  What have you been listening to?

T.  


 



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Target Tuesday Link Up

Today I am following in the footsteps of a lovely blogger named Tara, who is the author of Fabulous but Evil.  Each Tuesday, Tara features what things she wants from Target.  Now we all know Target is my happy place, so when Tara offered her followers the chance to link up and follow suit you know I had to jump on board!  So without further ado, here is my very own Target Tuesday.



Mossimo Brown Crossbody
{I actually bought this bag and I love it!}
So this completes my very first Target Tuesday.  Make sure you check out Tara's blog, as well as the other bloggers who linked up to Target Tuesday.

T.

Monday, March 7, 2011

A Classic Case of the What-If’s


On Saturday night I was doing the usual, you know homework and checking Facebook. From time to time, I check out the selections Facebook offers on the people I may know, so on Saturday I decided to give it a look.

Oh boy, why didn't I just stick to the homework?!

There it was, in plain sight-my ex's profile picture; him and a girl.

For some unknown reason I just sat there, with my mouth hanging open, staring at the picture. And then it started happening, the classic case of the what-if's. What if this was his girlfriend? What if he lied to me and was seeing us both at the same time? What if he dumped me for her? What if he thinks she's prettier than me {clearly this is not even close to being true-I'm just sayin' J}? What if he lied about his job? These stupid questions kept coming to mind, and they plagued me for most of the night. So much so that I started to call him up and scream at him!

I wanted answers to my questions, and damn it I deserved to know the truth! All my logic was pushed aside. I was pissed off, and I needed to know who this chic was and if she was with my boyfriend ex. Luckily, logic alone wasn't enough for me to go off. I needed reinforcement. So I called one of my good friends.

And thank God for good friends who are there for you during your craziest moments. My friend understood how much seeing the picture hurt me. She understood why I was upset. She understood why I felt I deserved answered.

She understood why I needed to leave the situation as is; finished.

After I talked to my friend, I felt better and the what-if's ceased. They haven't come back and I'm glad. As my friend pointed out, calling him would have changed nothing about the situation. His mind is already made up. And so is mine. I need to move on because he apparently has. And if this chic isn't his girlfriend, it still won't change the situation.
--------
I discovered this today, on Facebook {I know, I'm an addict}, and this makes me happy.
Stay Sweet!
T.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Easy Difficulties


On most days I can function as a normal human being. I can wake up on time, find matching socks, get Nehemiah up and ready for school, and then get myself dressed. On these days I may even throw on some makeup. I can face the world with confidence.
And then there are days like yesterday.
Nehemiah accidentally fell on top of my laptop and cracked the screen in two corners. It was clearly an accident, and I'm to blame as well seeing I don't store the laptop in a safe place. Lesson learned. However, Nehemiah's behavior was challenging so my patience with him wore very thin. Now whenever Miah has an off day and it starts making me come undone, I become overly critical of myself.
Nehemiah has a bad day equals Thomasina is a bad mommy.
I know this isn't an accurate representation of my parenting, but this is what comes to mind whenever we have a bad day.
Once I got Nehemiah down for bed, I decided to start studying. However, something was wrong.
I started crying.
Everything hit me all at once; single parenting, school, Fibromyalgia, seizures, anxiety, depression. I couldn't seem to stop the tears, they just kept flowing. And then I realized something.
I was also crying about the break up.
Although I still find myself thinking about him, I haven't actually cried in a long time. In fact I thought I was over it. But as the tears kept coming I was forced into being completely honest with myself, and it was time for me to answer a lingering question.
Was I really in love with him as much as I thought I was, or was I in love with the idea that I finally found my soul mate?
Ouch.
I concluded that it was a little bit of both. Yes I did love him, a lot. But I also loved that I didn't have to worry about dating and being alone. I'm not one of those girls who have to have a boyfriend, but it's nice to be wanted. And to know someone is thinking about you. And that someone loves you in that special way. And I don't doubt that he loved me as much as he said he did.
But then again he did dump me.
And I wasn't allowed a say in the matter.
And we haven't talked since.
So as I dried my tears, I decided the break up was no longer worthy of my tears and anguish.
The relationship is over.
The friendship is over.
But my spirit doesn't have to be broken. I'm way too strong for that.
----------
I woke up this morning to the sun shining bright, and to Nehemiah's smiling face.
He was happy.
I was happy.
And I decided there is enough love in my life to sustain me until my happily ever after is written.

 
Have a wonderful weekend!
T.

 

 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Almost Doesn’t Count


I haven't posted in awhile because I had to kick my butt into full gear for school. Of course this didn't happen until after I discovered that I had screwed up the deadline for a major course project. Typically all assignments are due on Saturday by midnight {remember I attend online}, but the course project was due on a Wednesday! Needless to say, I effed up big time.
By the time I realized I had effed up it was Friday, so I got busy writing my paper. However, my thoughts just couldn't come together. To be frank, the paper sucked. By the afternoon I had shut my computer down, and I started having a breakdown. Seriously, I broke down. I kept crying hysterically and wondering if maybe I had taken on too much. Being a single parent with Fibromyalgia and seizures leaves a lot on my plate. I know I wasn't being rational, but I had decided that I was quitting. There were only 1.5 weeks left in the course, but enough was enough. I was done. Why did I ever think I could go back to school and succeed at it? That thought made me form the conclusion that I was not only quitting the course; I was quitting school all together.
Prior to two years ago, all I ever wanted was to go back to school-and actually see it all the way through. I went to college right after high school, but two semesters prior to graduation I dropped out. I had decided I no longer wanted to be a teacher, and I was too invested in the school of love, or so I thought. I try not to live with regret, but this is one of the biggest regrets I carry around with me. And here I was again, ready to quit.
Luckily, I regained my common sense after talking with a very good friend of mine. Sometimes you just need to be reminded that you can succeed, and that quitting is not an option. I can't quit whenever life gets hard. If quitting were always an option, I wouldn't be half the mother I am today because let me tell you, parenting is one of the hardest things I have EVER done!
So, Saturday morning I woke up nice and early and began working on my paper. Now let me remind you, I could have lied to avoid losing points once I turned the paper in. But I didn't lie; I screwed up the due date, so I took my punishment like a champ. I lost 30 points for turning in the paper late, but the loss of those points taught me one very valuable lesson.
Pay attention to all freaking deadlines!
I start my next class tomorrow, and I can assure you that all due dates will be marked in my planner.


Have a great week, and always stay sweet!
T.

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