The Battle Zone

I'm so excited to report that…

My accounting average is an 80%! Whoot, whoot! Holla!

And just think, I was failing the course and I was going to give up on it. I owe all my thanks and praise to the Lord God Almighty because this progress is not being made by me alone. I have two more weeks left until the session is complete, and then it's good bye accounting {for now at least}.

I also have another progress report. I began my 30 minutes of walking today. Mom and I took advantage of the lovely weather and headed outdoors. We were on our way and making great strides when my body began throwing a freakin' fit.

Now let me explain something. Living with Fibromyalgia is like living with two of me.

The healthy me says, "Let's go walk and run and become fit. We can do this!"

The Fibro me says, "Oh no, we CANNOT handle this."

"This walking is going to make us ache, and running will ruin our knees {not true, my doc wants me to run}. We are going to become tired and then we'll have a flare up."

 "Stop it this instant!"

I could literally feel the healthy me struggling with the Fibro part of me. My bad leg became heavy and stiff, and then I became exhausted. But I kept going, and mom and I finished our 30 minutes! I had to make the Fibro me take a backseat to the healthy me.

The point at which the healthy me struggles with the Fibro me is what I call the battle zone. It's an all out continual fight to see who is going to take the lead. I pray the healthy me continues to triumph. Even though I did finish the 30 minutes, I am very tired. But I'd rather be tired from exercising than to be tired from doing nothing!

It's going to take some getting used to, but I'm determined to walk my 30 minutes each day. Then hopefully I'll be able to turn that walk into a light run. Either way it goes, I'm being active and that's all that counts!

I want to remind everyone that the A-Z Blogging Challenge starts on Friday, so get ready to check out some awesome posts from everyone who's participating {I sure do hope you find my posts awesome!}.

Stay Sweet My Lovelies!
T.

Motherhood

On Tuesday I had the procedure done to determine what's going on with my tummy. The procedure determined that there is nothing extremely problematic going on, which is a blessing! I have a follow-up with the specialist in a few weeks, and I have to meet with my primary doctor soon. My primary doctor thinks it may be Crohn's Disease or Colitis. Both are easy fixes and although I don't want either, I'm so thankful that cancer isn't something we have to consider. I'm feeling pretty great today {I had a versed reaction to the pain meds, so I was ill for the past few days}, and luckily my Fibro pain is at a 1 today {my pain is measured on a scale of 0-10 with 0 being no pain and 10 being severe pain}. Nehemiah has been praying for me every day, and he's been such a big help around the house. I fall more in love with him every day! He has such a servant's heart, and I'm so thankful God blessed me with a wonderful son.

So, I spent all afternoon and evening composing my wish list for the fall fashion items that I adore and guess what, I can't get the stupid pictures to show up!!!! Grrrr, talk about irritating. Anyway, I haven't posted since last week so I figured I needed to get something up soon, which brings to the topic of motherhood. I love being a mom, but being a single mom can be complicated and let's face it, challenging. Earlier today I had a conversation with another single mom, and we discussed what could have possibly attracted us to the fathers of our children. I explained that although we are not the "typical" family, I wouldn't change any aspect of my life. If it wasn't for Nehemiah's father, I wouldn't have Nehemiah. No matter how much I hate to admit that, it's the truth. I have an awesome little guy, and I would travel down that road over and over again just to get to Nehemiah.

I used to be guilty of wishing my life was more like the fabulous lives of my friends. This included being skinny, having money, having a husband, owning a home, driving a new car, being able to go shopping all the time, and traveling {call me shallow, I can take it}. Then I realized that my life isn't so bad. I have what I need, and I've been lucky enough to usually get some of the things that I want. If I lived the life of someone else, my life would be lacking one very important thing; the ability to be Nehemiah's mama. The thought of that makes me nauseated because I love my son so much. So although this rode is bumpy, and I sometimes have to cry myself to sleep, I wouldn't want to live the life of anyone else. Being Thomasina means that I get to be called mama, and that's a name I never grow tired of hearing!

Don't forget Project Runway tonight. I'm so hoping Casanova goes home; I just don't think he has what it takes to make it.

Contentment

Having Fibromyalgia apparently means that other body parts and or organs feel like they have permission to misbehave. I have been having some tummy issues, and today I met with the specialist and next Tuesday I will be having a procedure done. Only after the procedure will we know for sure what's going on. Tomorrow is my third cranial sacral therapy {a form of occupational therapy used for pain management} session, and so far it has worked wonders for my pain. I can actually remember how great feeling "normal" is!

Nehemiah is peachy, and he has been loving these long {and did I mention hot and humid} summer days. He went to vacation Bible school last week and was so sad when Friday came around. I found out that we have a Christian elementary school here in town, so I'm thinking that once Nehemiah gets closer to kindergarten I will have to check it out.

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I purchased a magazine on Friday, and Jennifer Hudson was on the cover. She looks amazing {of course}, but after reading the article I was a little discouraged. Now, I'm not sure what sparked Jennifer Hudson's weight loss, and although she is now a size 6 I thought she was beautiful at a size 16. Why is it that women are only "beautiful" when they're skinny? Who decided that being thin was the goal that most women would spend their existence trying to reach? This drives me nuts! I was at the gym 5 days a week, but I had to stop going because of some health issues. It felt good having time to myself for a little while every day, but I felt like I was killing myself because every move and decision I made resulted around my weight. I'm not over weight nor unhealthy, all I wanted was to look like everyone else; skinny.

There, I said it…I'm guilty of doing the very thing I cannot stand for women to do-compare themselves. It seems that we always want something else, never being content where we are. We should never become stagnant or complacent; in fact we should strive to become better individuals. My point is we miss the greatness of today if we're too busy hoping for what tomorrow may or may not bring. The truth is I weigh what I weigh, and I wear the size that I wear. I'm curvy, always have been even when I wore a much smaller pant size. I'm healthy and that's no longer something I take lightly. I'm never going to look like the people I see on television, and that's okay. Those people are not me, and they don't live the great life that God handcrafted just for me. Of course things could be better in my life…much easier perhaps. However, I don't think I would be as strong as I am if I lived the life of someone else {or walked a mile or two in their skinny jeans}.

And that strength my friend is what brings me contentment.

A Bit of This and a Whole Lot of That

So many changes have taken place that I had to start writing again before I forgot all the details.

Seeing that Nehemiah and I are on a new journey, I figured what better way to introduce our changes than by a blog makeover {think it looks good if I may say so myself}.  Onto the changes.

1.) I finally got water baptized on July 11th.  This was an amazing moment that has since deepened my relationship with Christ.  I have been making time each day, usually in the morning, to just be still and know that He is God.  My days are so much better when I keep Christ first.

2.) I was blessed with the opportunity to become self-employed {this is the most detail I'll give seeing that after all, this is the Internet}, which means that I'm officially a stay at home mom!  Prior to leaving the office, Nehemiah informed me that I was always cranky when I came home.  My plate was too full and I didn't know how to down size, so when the opportunity presented itself I decided that leaving the office was the best choice for Nehemiah and myself.  In making my decision I made up my mind that money would not stop me from doing what was best for us, so we're learning how to cut back on things that are really not necessary.

3.) I've been pain free for...are you ready? 3 days!  I started receiving Craniosacrial Therapy last week for the Fibromyalgia and so far it has been a huge success.  The occupational therapist caught on quickly that I don't relax {i'm learning}, and so she has demanded that I take some time out of my day each day for me {I can get used to that}.  The bad news is I have some other health issues going on, but my doctor isn't too worried at this point.  I have to have a procedure done soon, so your prayers are appreciated.

4.) You all know that sleeping is a very difficult activity for me and anyone else with Fibro.  Well, I've only had to take 1/2 of the pill that I take at bedtime {it's not a sleeping pill so no worries}for a restful night's sleep.  I can take up to 3 pills, which I've had to do in the past, but for the last month or so I've been able to decrease the dose.  I've been staying up later than 9:30pm, and I wake up each morning refreshed. 

5.) Nehemiah is growing and thriving and has turned into a preschooler {gulp}.  I love being home with him everyday because I get to watch him as he makes discoveries.  I know all parents think their children are the best, and of course I'm no exception because I have the best kid in the world.  We're still battling the sleeping-in-his-bed issue, but he's beginning to stay in his room for majority of the night. 

Here is Nehemiah holding a snail for the first time!

6.) As of next Saturday, I will have completed one year of school {insert your applauds here please}!  Now only two more to go then onto grad school.  I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll figure it out.

So now you're all caught up on what you've missed for the month.  I look forward to posting regularly again, as well as catching up on your lives.  It's long over due!

That Was Then, This Is Now

There is something that I have to share with all of you.  For the past few weeks I have been having a difficult time managing this Fibromyalgia.  In the posts that said I was doing well with it, I was lying hoping that it would make me truly feel better.  The truth is I am sick.  I'm having pain more frequently, and I'm not fatigued but exhausted.  I am trusting that God will have the upper hand in the matter, so please keep me in your prayers.  I feel so much better now that that's off my chest.  Whew.

Nehemiah is just as wonderful and lovely as he normally is.  He figured out how to climb over the gate to get out of his bedroom {sorry if I already shared this}but I am determined not to give up on him sleeping in his own room.  Tonight is the second night of me enforcing him sleeping in his room, so we'll see how it goes.  I didn't get a good night's sleep last night because Nehemiah kept coming in my room so then I had to get up and take him back to bed.  He didn't have a nap today, so I'm praying that he stays asleep.

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This is mom and me on Easter

and this is me this morning wearing the same outfit

{excuse the wrinkles on my shirt, this shirt doesn't like to iron}.

  So what's the difference between the two pics you ask?  My tummy that's what.  Not a huge difference, but it's a change.  I got on the scale today and guess what...I'm dropping pounds {big smile on my face right now}.  This is fantastic seeing that I didn't get to the gym last week because I wasn't feeling well. 

That's all I have for tonight. 

Thanks for allowing me to share my accomplishments, no matter how big or small.

Good night!

And It Goes A Little Something Like This…

I apologize for being such a poor blogger lately. Time management is extremely difficult, and I don't have any down time at work anymore. Nehemiah and I are doing well {minus the strep throat I have}. The Fibromyalgia has been flaring up, which is due to the ample amount of stress I'm dealing with. The major source of the problem is work, so there's not much I can do in that department. Good things come to those who wait, so I'm trying to be patient with all the changes we're going through at the office.
Nehemiah is doing well. I can't get over how fast he is growing! He just keeps growing taller and taller, and he's so smart. Sometimes I'm taking back by his ability to reason. You can't pull anything over on him because he doesn't miss a thing. He has been a little mouthy, so it seems that I'm constantly correcting him. Tantrums are less frequent {thank you Jesus}, but are still intense when they happen.
For those of you who follow me on Face*ook this is not new news; the man friend and I are officially together. Yep, I'm in a relationship. So far, everything is good. I'm so not used to be complimented and supported. He's so wonderful, and my family and friends all seem to think that this is it: meaning that he's The One. I don't think we're far enough into the relationship to make that determination just yet, so I'm just taking each day as they come.
The most exciting news that I have to share is my besties and I will be getting together once a month for a Fabulous Friday. Mary, Sam, Jen, and I have been best friends since first grade! Growing up we all lived by each other. As children we fought and made up, and in high school we sort of went our own ways. However, through all the bumps in the road, we managed to stay best friends. We each have careers and families, but when it comes down to it, we're always there for one another. Mary lives in Georgia {she is the bestie I went to visit in Hawaii}, so we will phone her in. We're supposed to meet for dinner Friday night, and I'm praying I'm better by then.
My workouts have been successful, and I've been hitting the gym at least 5 days a week. I'm starting to lose inches, but the scale isn't decreasing. I got weighed at the doctor's yesterday, and I'm not gaining any weight. This is good, actually very good. Maintaining my weight has always been a challenge, so I need to pat myself on the back. Due to the strep throat I can't go to the gym, so I'm totally freaking out. I praying that I will be able to go again on Friday.
So dear friends, I just caught you up on what you've been missing. I pray all is well with each of you, and it looks like I will have the chance to catch up with your blogs too.
Have a great week!

I’m Back

Hi dear friends. I apologize for leaving you hanging on the details of the lives of Nehemiah and myself. I had a serious family issue involving some of my nephews, so I had to take a sabbatical from blogging for awhile. I love sharing my world with all of you, but some things are not meant to be in print. Things are getting sorted out with my nephews, but prayers would be terrific.

The Fibromyalgia has been under control for the most part. I started having a flare up on Easter and it continued up until yesterday. It left me of the couch for a few days, but thank God, I'm much better today. I had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago, and my physician was amazed at the progress I'm making. However, she and I were still not happy with my sleep patterns, so we decided to up the medication I take at bedtime. I am ecstatic about the fact that I am not at the full dosage for any of the Fibro meds! Trust that this is not by my own doing; God is truly shining mercies over me.

Nehemiah is doing so well. He had a fantastic Easter, and of course he got way too much candy {I managed to hide most of it}. We had Easter dinner at our house, and we had a good time. Nehemiah loved playing with all the kids. Since my bedtime meds increased, I have let Nehemiah sleep back in my bed. I know, I know what am I thinking! The meds literally knock me out, so I'm not sure that I would hear him if he called me in the middle of the night. Making sure that my kid is safe takes precedent over him sleeping in his own room. Once I am adjusted to the meds, Nehemiah and I will continue to work on getting him back in his bed. Until then, we're back to co-sleeping. On Saturday, my bff Lisa gave her son's old bike to Nehemiah. Nehemiah has a tricycle and loves riding it, but he has been asking for a "big boy" bike. When Nehemiah first got on the bike, he was trying so hard to get the hang of riding it. By the time my family left our home on Easter, Nehemiah could ride the bike by standing up to peddle. I have a feeling that the training wheels will be off by the end of summer!

When I went to the doctor's a few weeks ago, I got some really good news; I have not gained any weight for the past 2 months! Yay me! This is a great accomplishment, but I mentioned to the doctor that I am not losing any weight. Basically, the problem is this: the Fibro pain meds make it difficult for my body to break down carbs because my body doesn't know what to do with them, so they get stored. To fix this problem, I have to cut out most carbs that come in the form of bread and pasta. However, I am free to eat everything else my little heart desires; steak included.

Now, I've saved the best for last, so hang onto your seats. I have been working out consistently for a few weeks now, and I went jogging last week! I only jogged for a little while, and then I walked the rest of the way. I was so focused on my legs being strong enough to start running that I forgot one other major health issue; I'm asthmatic. The jogging made it hard to breath {I took my inhaler before I started the jog}, so I think I'm a little scared that jogging will bring on an asthma attack.

Now, the other terrific news is that my mom and I have joined a gym. My mom decided that working out would be good for her too. The gym requires a fee for new members, so my amazing mother paid the fee for me! The monthly fee is only $20, and special classes like spinning and yoga are $2.50 a session. A few years ago, I paid $80 for a 6 week Pilates class at another gym! We joined the gym yesterday, so I was able to get in a quick workout. Then, I woke up this morning at 5 and worked out again! My friend {who is also freaking out about our 10 year reunion} is also joining the gym, so I will be working out again this evening! I'm going at a slow pace, so that I don't injure myself {or anyone else for that matter}.

So dear friends, that's a glimpse into what you've been missing!

Happy Wednesday!

My Life As I Know It

So, here we are once more; Monday. I guess I can't complain too much seeing that the day is almost finished. I started having a flare up last week, and by Friday it had gotten noticeably worse. By yesterday afternoon, I was convinced that my legs were going to fall off! The pain is slowly going away, but I'm still swollen. Yes, my legs swell when I'm having a terrible flare up (I get sick to my stomach too). I used a sick day today, so I have been in bed most of the day. I'm still not feeling 100%, but I'm better than I was this morning. Its days like these that make me angry and cranky. I like to be in control remember, so when I can't get things done, I tend to become miserable. And can you guess what needs to be done; laundry and dishes. The rest of the house isn't too bad, so I'll manage-I think.

Nehemiah had a lovely weekend. He was so disappointed that we couldn't go outside because of the rain, so I had to find ways to keep him busy inside. Yesterday, I babysat my friend's son, so Nehemiah was quite excited to have a playmate over. Nehemiah and I are having a reoccurring problem however; he keeps getting into my bed at night. He doesn't want the gate up at his bedroom door, but he won't stay in his bed. He has stopped waking me up to ask if he may get into my bed, so I don't often know he's in there until I hear, "move over, you're on my leeeeegggggg." Then he scares me half to death because he's screaming! It's a vicious cycle. We've come so far with the whole sleeping in his bed thing, so I don't want to give this up. I perhaps may just have to deal with the screams tonight as I attempt to put the gate up. At least we both will get a good night's rest-I hope.

Thanks for the comments and prayers that were sent my way over the weekend. I really needed it. I didn't get the chance to visit the cemetery because of the rain, but it was probably better that I didn't. As I mentioned, my plate is extremely full at the moment, so please keep the prayers coming. I recently got a letter in the mail from a good friend of mine, asking how I manage to keep everything together as a single mom. This question absolutely stumped me because I am far from having everything together! I often finish each day without my head being screwed on straight, but here's what I have learned to do to get through each day,

1. Accept that I can only accomplish so much in one day (not an easy thing and it takes much practice)
   
2. Make special time for Nehemiah everyday (this usually happens in the evening after dinner)
   
3. Pray (how else would I keep my sanity)
   
4. Prioritize (difficult to do when everything seems important)
   
5. Allow myself to have some quiet time (this is still new, but I do like it)
   
6. Cry (who says we're too old for a good tear or two)
   
7. Separate work from my personal life (when I leave the office, I don't bring it home with me)
   
8. Let home be my place of peace (this is crucial)
   

So dear friends, those are just a few things that help me get through the day. Now, if you ask me what I find most frustrating about being a single parent, well that in itself would be a very long post. I do know one thing's for sure, I wouldn't ask for my life to be any different. Although I may complain, I know that things could be much, much worse. Motherhood has brought such a sense of purpose to my life that I couldn't image it any other way. I love Nehemiah more than I could ever try to express, and on most days, he feels the same way (I hope). If I didn't have my son, I wouldn't have a reason to fight through the pain and difficulties that life unfortunately guarantees. Can you tell that I love being a mommy!

Well dear friends, I must say good evening and go back to studying. Feel free to share with me how you keep it all together!

Have a great week.

Weekend Re-Cap

I will never understand how Monday manages to arrive so quickly each week, but here we are again. This weekend was very productive and I got a lot accomplished. On Saturday, I spent the day doing homework, and then we went to Lisa's for our Saturday night dinner. Yesterday, we went to church, and then I went grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is very difficult because my legs usually hurt, but yesterday my legs did fairly well; I thought. When I woke up this morning, my legs were feeling the strain of yesterday's trip to the grocery store. I feel rested (yayJ), so I am definitely making improvements. Hopefully my legs will get better as the day progresses.

Nehemiah had a great weekend as well. A couple of my nieces and nephews came over to play, so he had a lot of fun. Nehemiah finally started playing the drums again at church; he took a sabbatical because some of the other children ruined his drum set. I was going to get pictures of him playing, but I figured I would be drawing unwanted attention to myself. Nehemiah didn't take a nap yesterday, and he had a really hard time going down for bed last night. This morning he was whining and crying anytime he didn't get his way. When it was time for me to take him over to Nana's, he flipped out because he wanted to play outside in the snow. The snow is melting, so really he wanted to play in the mud. When he has such a rough morning, I feel awful leaving him. At least he gets some love and attention from Nana, so I know he will be okay. I think he and I will do something special when I get home.

Over the weekend, I did some research on running. As you know, I really want to start running. Now that spring is making its way to Western New York, I want to get outside just as much as Nehemiah wants to! I need to begin walking first, then gradually work my way into running. Now, here's my dilemma; will my legs prevent me from walking and running? I was determined to get outside and walk yesterday, but grocery shopping took a toll on me, so I couldn't get outside.

If my body prevents me from exercising, how am I ever supposed to reach my weight loss goals?

Wide-Eyed and Rested

Dear friends, I have some exciting news…I woke up this morning with almost no pain! My joints are a bit stiff, but otherwise I feel great. I also feel really rested, and I noticed that this is starting to happen more frequently. I'm beginning to feel normal; something I definitely do not know much about. I think I also figured out why I usually have flare ups on the weekend. I stress so much about getting things done on the weekend. You know things like the laundry, cleaning, and homework. I want everything done bright and early on Saturday, so that the rest of the day (and Sunday) is left for Nehemiah. After watching me freak out for the past few weekends, a little birdie whispered in my ear (thanks mom); relax.

Relax, what does that word mean? I don't relax; I'm always in go mode. How am I supposed to find time to relax? I've tried doing bits and pieces of housework during the week; doesn't work because I'm fatigued after working all day. So, this is what mom and I decided. We will split the housework. If I'm feeling overwhelmed (which is often), mom will do the things I can't handle. I have a difficult time doing the dishes because my hands and legs hurt, so mom has been taking care of the kitchen and the vacuuming. Guess what dear friends; two nights ago I did the dishes! And guess what I did before that; went outside and played in the snow with Nehemiah and my nephew. It was so great! Mom and I decided to take turns with dinner as well, and I kept up my end of the deal because so far, I cooked dinner two nights this week!

These triumphs may not seem at all significant; and if you feel that way then perhaps you should move on to the next blog. As I mentioned before, I need support and encouragement. I seem to be getting a lot of both and it means so much to me. Thank you dear friends! No one understands the struggle that each day brings. I have to make a conscious decision literally each morning to just get out of bed. It would be so much easier to just stay in bed and hurt, but the show must go on. It has to or else I'm letting the Fibromyalgia defeat me. I am too strong for that! Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts, and of course I am grateful to my Lord and Savior for listening!

I'm still having some trouble following my food restrictions. Okay, I haven't been following the restrictions as I should be, but this is really hard. I am having the most trouble finding breakfast foods that I can eat. It's hard for me to eat breakfast at home because I don't get up at the same time each morning. If I feel rested, then I'm up and at 'em at 6. If I'm fatigued, then it's back to bed until 7. This means that I usually grab something on my way to the office. This is bad for numerous reasons; I'm not supposed to have fast food (even breakfast foods), I usually can't find anything nutritious, and I'm spending way too much money. So if someone can offer some suggestions I would most appreciate it. I still haven't found the right time to try out the yoga kit my mom got me, but I'm being hopeful that I can at least open the box this weekend.

The last piece of good news goes a little something like this…I got an email from a volunteer of the National Fibromyalgia Association . The volunteer has been following my blog for awhile, and she would like me to post info about the NFA magazine. The magazine is now available online for free! The volunteer also said she really enjoys my blog (blush). I'm so very excited that people are reading my blog. So, if you're reading please remember to become a follower!

Woe is Me

Last night, my legs felt like they were on fire. They hurt so incredibly bad. My mom spent the night to help me with Nehemiah; she's such a great mom. I woke up this morning without the leg pain, but I was still incredibly tired. I slept in until 9:30, and I feel like I never went to bed. I dreamt last that I was at a hospital telling the doctor all about the frustrations I have with living with Fibromyalgia. When I woke up, I was crying. I guess that I haven't really dealt with the fact that I have Fibromyalgia. I'm learning to deal with the pain and the limitations I face every day; I haven't dealt with the emotional side of having Fibromyalgia. I guess I'm feeling helpless because there's so much that I can't do. I get extremely aggravated because I can't get normal house work done; my mom has to do. This is because my hands and arms hurt so badly. My mom never complains about helping, but I feel like my restrictions are defeating me. After I cry and get upset, I calm down and realize that there are still a lot of things that I can do. I'm able to work each day, and I still can drive (unless my legs hurt). I saw a commercial yesterday that was for a Fibromyalgia website. The people on the commercial were in agony; some were crying. I got teary eyed watching because on certain days, I feel like those people. Learning to live with Fibromyalgia is more than pain management and diet changes; it's an emotional journey.

Today, Nehemiah has been very difficult. Maybe it's because I'm not feeling well and have a low tolerance, but his little attitude has been a bit much. I'm starting to understand what people mean when they say that age three is far worse than the terrible two's. He's so opinionated about everything, and when he gets upset he goes into a full-fledged tantrum. I mean the whole nine yards; jumping up and down, screaming at the top of his lungs, and of course tears. Today, he's decided to have a tantrum if I blinked at him the wrong way. He didn't take a nap, so he will be put to bed very early. Don't get me wrong, I love Nehemiah more than life itself; even when he is being a little monster.

This weekend, I have not had the chance yet to spend time with the man friend. He was going to come over last night, but the weather got really nasty. He was going to come over tonight, but you guess it; more snow and nasty weather. We're keeping our fingers crossed that the snow stops so he can come over tomorrow.

My english class will be finished on Monday, and then I began sociology. I can't believe how fast my classes are going (don't forget I take a new class every 7.5 weeks). I'm so proud of myself because I'm doing very well.

Food, Glorious Food…

I'm starting this post on a good note; I finally entered R.E.M sleep last night. How do I know, I have energy today (yippee)! I actually feel rested, and guess what; I'm wearing makeup for the second day in a row. The Fibromyalgia meds I began almost 3 weeks ago take about 6 weeks to work, but each day I notice an improvement. This means the meds are starting to affect the neurotransmitters in my brain (this is the point of the meds). The improvements may seem irrelevant (wearing makeup), but unless you experience the pain of Fibromyalgia, you will not understand the significance of each improvement.

Last night, Nehemiah came into my room 5 times throughout the night (don't forget that I'm well rested today). He was afraid of having another nightmare, so I thought putting a nightlight in his room would help. Wrong. I woke up at midnight and freaked out because someone was in my bed (other than Miss Cinnamon of course). Who was it? You guessed it; Nehemiah. I felt like Super*Nanny; child wakes up and comes out of bedroom, parent puts child back in bedroom countless times throughout the night, parent's sleep gets interrupted (did I mention I slept well). The 5^th time Nehemiah got out of bed, I didn't lose my temper; I put the gate up at his doorway (mostly to keep my sanity). He cried a little, then got back into his bed and went to sleep for the rest of the night. I'm so proud of myself; I didn't cave. It would have been much easier to let him sleep in my bed, but it would have undone his success. I'm very proud of the both of us.

Now, onto the title of this post; food. Although much is still to be discovered about food and it's relation to Fibromyalgia, I was given a very strict list of foods to avoid. I'm not supposed to have any fast food. Typically we only eat out once a week, so I thought this would be okay. I thought I would be able to avoid those darling golden arches (oh how I curse those freaking french fries), but last night I had a relapse (seriously folks, I'm like an addict when it comes to those damned french fries). I had the french fries and a burger with the extras, and it made me so sick and nauseated. While stuffing my face (literally, and who are you to judge me), my body kept telling me to stop eating all that junk. Did I listen; of course not, and I ended up ill. And I still have heartburn. I still need to lose some more weight, so I have been doing fairly well with the whole eating healthy thing. If I avoid the delicious bad foods, I will feel better, and I will lose weight. So what's the problem; it's a win-win situation? I will be left eating cardboard, that's the problem. Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic (not by much), but that's what it tastes feels like. So, my question dear friend is this; how can I enjoy what I'm allowed to eat?

Here's a list of my forbidden foods:

Chinese food (msg)

White bread (sugar)

White Potatoes (because they taste so good starch)

Caffeine (can have a limited amount)

Fatty foods (like the french fries)

White rice (I don't like it anyway, except with soy sauce)

Regular noodles (you know the ones that aren't wheat)

Red meat (I love steak and am not too willing to give it up)

Friday

This morning after Nehemiah woke up; he decided to come join me in my bed. He's doing so well sleeping in his bedroom.

I'm so proud of him!

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Nothing too eventful happened today, and that is just fine by me. I had minimal pain, so overall it was a good day.

Tonight, the man friend is coming over for a movie night. I guess a hint of excitement is appropriate, but what kind of pessimist would I be if I didn't second guess everything?

My online session is finished next Friday, so I will be busy this weekend finalizing my research paper. I will also be putting away tons and tons of laundry. At least it's all clean and folded.

On a good great note, I have lost more weight. I purchased a cheapy belt last weekend, and when I put it on for the first time this morning, it was too big! I love that I'm losing weight, but I just went shopping last month for smaller clothes, and now they're too big! I guess that means more shopping. I'm so heartbroken.

I want to start exercising again, but I have to be extremely cautious because of the Fibro. If anyone has any recommendations on great Pilates or Yoga dvd's, please let me know. I wanted to start running this summer (I actually wanted to start last summer), but as of right now, my legs can't take it. Maybe once the Fibro gets more under control; my legs won't bother me so much. A girl can hope.

Apparently, more people are reading my blog; they just haven't become a follower yet (hint hint).

Happy Friday!

This was me yesterday morning. The significance of the picture; I'm wearing makeup, and I finally changed my nose ring, which you can't see. This seems like no big deal except that I haven't worn makeup for about 3 weeks! My arms and hands ache tremendously in the morning, so by the time I'm finished taking a shower, washing my hair, getting dressed, and brushing my teeth, there is no energy left for applying makeup. This is a major bummer because I love makeup. I had a great day yesterday; little to no pain, which is why I got to wear makeup. At church on Sunday, I got the chance to talk to another member who also has Fibro. She gave me a list of foods that I should be eating. The list of foods I shouldn't be eating is much longer (can you hear the sadness). I had to find out the hard way that Chinese food will leave me feeling like death the following morning. Good bye sesame chicken.

Now, here is what I woke up to this morning. We have a weather advisory for my county and the county I work in. I prayed for a snow day and unfortunately didn't get one; God and I will be chatting later. Remember that my arms and hands ache in the morning (actually everything aches this morning), so there was no way I was going to clean off all that snow. Thank goodness my mom loves me; she came over (that's her house you see) and cleaned the snow off my truck. Surprisingly, the roads were all clear and my commute wasn't too bad. I hope I can say the same for the drive home. Keeping my fingers crossed that spring will decide to come early.

TMI

I know that in order to get people to follow your blog, you have to actually post something frequently. We all know that this is not one of my strong points. I have a ton of stuff that I could post, but I'm not sure if I want to. If I share my deepest thoughts and special moments, then are they really that deep and special?

One thing that I will share is that I have recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. My Fibro is considered severe and I usually have more bad days than good. I have an amazing physician and we're working together to determine what works for me and what doesn't. My legs bother me the most and I don't sleep well at night (even with medication). I've read that those of us with Fibro don't get into R.E.M sleep because our muscles don't relax. So, for the time being my posts will be about living with Fibromyalgia.

The sorta big news is that I'm dating someone! We're not in a committed relationship, but it's a possibility down the road. I won't go into names and too much information, but he's a great guy and I'm taking everything one day at a time. I figured I share this with you seeing that not too long ago, I posted about how bad I wanted to meet someone! The universe has finally heard my cry!

I think that being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia has opened my eyes to some things that I need to change. Because I don't often feel well, my tolerance for people has decreased substantially. I discovered that I'm only interested in keeping those friendships that thrive on give and take. I have to take care of myself in order to get this Fibro under control, and that means that I need love and support. The people who have proven to be supportive and loving are the ones who call or text me regularly, even just to ask how I'm feeling. I don't even mind those who check up on me through face*book. So, if I told you about my diagnoses and you don't have time to hear me whine, leave me alone and I'll call you when a cure has been developed!

It's really amazing to me that those who are supposed to be my nearest and dearest, only call to tell me about their problems; never stopping to ask about me. I'm not going to apologize for being selfish, but a friendship is supposed to be half and half; just like a romantic relationship.

Those who can't step up to the plate in my family better watch out too, or they just may end up going straight to voicemail whenever they call ! (I got a Smart*phone last Sunday, and I love the "straight to voicemail" option that you can assign to phone numbers).

Smooches