Motherhood

On Tuesday I had the procedure done to determine what's going on with my tummy. The procedure determined that there is nothing extremely problematic going on, which is a blessing! I have a follow-up with the specialist in a few weeks, and I have to meet with my primary doctor soon. My primary doctor thinks it may be Crohn's Disease or Colitis. Both are easy fixes and although I don't want either, I'm so thankful that cancer isn't something we have to consider. I'm feeling pretty great today {I had a versed reaction to the pain meds, so I was ill for the past few days}, and luckily my Fibro pain is at a 1 today {my pain is measured on a scale of 0-10 with 0 being no pain and 10 being severe pain}. Nehemiah has been praying for me every day, and he's been such a big help around the house. I fall more in love with him every day! He has such a servant's heart, and I'm so thankful God blessed me with a wonderful son.

So, I spent all afternoon and evening composing my wish list for the fall fashion items that I adore and guess what, I can't get the stupid pictures to show up!!!! Grrrr, talk about irritating. Anyway, I haven't posted since last week so I figured I needed to get something up soon, which brings to the topic of motherhood. I love being a mom, but being a single mom can be complicated and let's face it, challenging. Earlier today I had a conversation with another single mom, and we discussed what could have possibly attracted us to the fathers of our children. I explained that although we are not the "typical" family, I wouldn't change any aspect of my life. If it wasn't for Nehemiah's father, I wouldn't have Nehemiah. No matter how much I hate to admit that, it's the truth. I have an awesome little guy, and I would travel down that road over and over again just to get to Nehemiah.

I used to be guilty of wishing my life was more like the fabulous lives of my friends. This included being skinny, having money, having a husband, owning a home, driving a new car, being able to go shopping all the time, and traveling {call me shallow, I can take it}. Then I realized that my life isn't so bad. I have what I need, and I've been lucky enough to usually get some of the things that I want. If I lived the life of someone else, my life would be lacking one very important thing; the ability to be Nehemiah's mama. The thought of that makes me nauseated because I love my son so much. So although this rode is bumpy, and I sometimes have to cry myself to sleep, I wouldn't want to live the life of anyone else. Being Thomasina means that I get to be called mama, and that's a name I never grow tired of hearing!

Don't forget Project Runway tonight. I'm so hoping Casanova goes home; I just don't think he has what it takes to make it.

My Life As I Know It

So, here we are once more; Monday. I guess I can't complain too much seeing that the day is almost finished. I started having a flare up last week, and by Friday it had gotten noticeably worse. By yesterday afternoon, I was convinced that my legs were going to fall off! The pain is slowly going away, but I'm still swollen. Yes, my legs swell when I'm having a terrible flare up (I get sick to my stomach too). I used a sick day today, so I have been in bed most of the day. I'm still not feeling 100%, but I'm better than I was this morning. Its days like these that make me angry and cranky. I like to be in control remember, so when I can't get things done, I tend to become miserable. And can you guess what needs to be done; laundry and dishes. The rest of the house isn't too bad, so I'll manage-I think.

Nehemiah had a lovely weekend. He was so disappointed that we couldn't go outside because of the rain, so I had to find ways to keep him busy inside. Yesterday, I babysat my friend's son, so Nehemiah was quite excited to have a playmate over. Nehemiah and I are having a reoccurring problem however; he keeps getting into my bed at night. He doesn't want the gate up at his bedroom door, but he won't stay in his bed. He has stopped waking me up to ask if he may get into my bed, so I don't often know he's in there until I hear, "move over, you're on my leeeeegggggg." Then he scares me half to death because he's screaming! It's a vicious cycle. We've come so far with the whole sleeping in his bed thing, so I don't want to give this up. I perhaps may just have to deal with the screams tonight as I attempt to put the gate up. At least we both will get a good night's rest-I hope.

Thanks for the comments and prayers that were sent my way over the weekend. I really needed it. I didn't get the chance to visit the cemetery because of the rain, but it was probably better that I didn't. As I mentioned, my plate is extremely full at the moment, so please keep the prayers coming. I recently got a letter in the mail from a good friend of mine, asking how I manage to keep everything together as a single mom. This question absolutely stumped me because I am far from having everything together! I often finish each day without my head being screwed on straight, but here's what I have learned to do to get through each day,

1. Accept that I can only accomplish so much in one day (not an easy thing and it takes much practice)
   
2. Make special time for Nehemiah everyday (this usually happens in the evening after dinner)
   
3. Pray (how else would I keep my sanity)
   
4. Prioritize (difficult to do when everything seems important)
   
5. Allow myself to have some quiet time (this is still new, but I do like it)
   
6. Cry (who says we're too old for a good tear or two)
   
7. Separate work from my personal life (when I leave the office, I don't bring it home with me)
   
8. Let home be my place of peace (this is crucial)
   

So dear friends, those are just a few things that help me get through the day. Now, if you ask me what I find most frustrating about being a single parent, well that in itself would be a very long post. I do know one thing's for sure, I wouldn't ask for my life to be any different. Although I may complain, I know that things could be much, much worse. Motherhood has brought such a sense of purpose to my life that I couldn't image it any other way. I love Nehemiah more than I could ever try to express, and on most days, he feels the same way (I hope). If I didn't have my son, I wouldn't have a reason to fight through the pain and difficulties that life unfortunately guarantees. Can you tell that I love being a mommy!

Well dear friends, I must say good evening and go back to studying. Feel free to share with me how you keep it all together!

Have a great week.

The Optimistic Pessimist

All throughout the day yesterday, I had amazing energy. I thought to myself, "is this how normal people feel every day?" By the evening, the fatigued set in and I ended up falling asleep on the couch with Nehemiah. I actually had a very restful sleep last night, but I'm very fatigued. My mom called me this morning to tell me that the schools were closed because of the snow, so I was praying that the office would be closed. I called my supervisor, and she said we needed to go in. So, after swearing like a sailor all the way to the shower, I sucked it up and got ready for work. After getting out of the shower, I noticed that I had a voicemail; from my supervisor. The message; today is a snow day! Needless to say, I was very pleased.

Nehemiah has done exceedingly well sleeping in his room. I put the nightlight in the hallway, and this really seems to help him. I notice that every day he is becoming more and more independent. He can reach the sink at my mom's house without his step stool. He can dress and undress himself; without any help. He can put his boots and shoes on the correct feet, and he washes himself in the bathtub. He is 3 ft tall and he just keeps growing and growing. I'm such a proud mama!

The other day, my mom decided that we needed to have a talk. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about; I'm a little too old for "the talk," so I knew that conversation wasn't on that topic. Our conversation went like this:

Mom-"Why do you see the negativity in every situation? How come you can't look at the positive things that could happen?"

Me-"Mom, I've been through so much in my 28 years of life that in order to cope with things, I look at what could go wrong instead of looking at what could go right. That way, when the bad things do happen, I'm more prepared."

Mom-"Bad things happen to everyone, but you need to start looking on the bright side and learn how to enjoy life. How are you ever going to be happy if you aren't willing to take chances?"

She was absolutely right; how am I ever going to be happy if I'm not willing to take chances? I'm the type of woman who is very comfortable living in her little box. When I come out of that box, I come undone by the worry of what may go wrong. I've lived my life focusing on what could go wrong, that I've forgotten about what could go right! I can encourage other people to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My light, well it probably will run out of batteries, which would mean that I would be wandering around the tunnel aimlessly trying to find my way out. The optimistic side says, use the flash light application on your cell phone and go on your merry way! To help me weigh the pros and cons of things, I will make lists, but you've guessed it; the bad always outweighs the good. Guess I should stop with the lists huh?

So, here I am embarking on a new journey; one of positive outlook and self discovery. Let's see where this brings me!

To help with my exercise dilemma, my mom found me a yoga kit that I should actually be able to use. The kit came with a journal, a mat, a stretch band, an exercise ball and pump, and a DVD. I'm looking forward to trying it out. I still have more weight to lose; I would like to lose 30 more pounds (I've lost 18 so far and it's really making a difference), but my physician only wants me to lose 15 to 20 pounds. However, the side effects of the Fibromyalgia medication is weight gain and increased appetite. Once I get a handle on eating the foods I can have, I should be all set…I hope.

Frustrations

Yesterday, I had a difficult time with everything I attempted to accomplish. I woke up aching more than usual, and I was so fatigued I couldn't see straight. It turns out that I didn't take my pain pill before I went to bed Friday night. My mom took Nehemiah, and I went back to sleep. However, when I awoke from my nap, I felt as though I hadn't slept at all. I have learned how to deal with the daily aches and pains that come with the Fibromyalgia; I have not learned how to deal with the chronic fatigue. This is where the frustration sets in; I never feel rested. If I don't take a sleeping pill at night, I will not fall asleep. And guess what, I still don't sleep throughout the night with the sleeping pill. It's been a long time since I have experienced a good night's sleep. From what I have read in my Fibromyalgia book, chronic fatigue is the hardest thing to get under control. I pray that one day; the restful sleep will come back.

Now to the good stuff; the man friend. The man friend was supposed to come over last night, but we had a difference of opinions. He has made it clear that he's ready for a serious relationship. This is not an easy commitment because I don't come alone; Nehemiah and I are a packaged deal. He has also made it clear that he's ready for the packaged deal. I am in awe that this amazing man is ready to love me and my son. Now here's the kicker; man friend feels that I am making him pay for the mistakes of the men who have hurt me before. I am all about taking things slow; man friend says he will patient with me, but I need to stop thinking that he will turn out to be like the other men I have dated in the past. I have been hurt so badly before. No one will ever understand the bruises on my heart; the brokenness of my soul. I know that man friend is not like the others, but my mind keeps coming up with all these "what if's" scenarios. He wants to spend more time with Nehemiah and he understands my hesitation. I don't want Nehemiah to get attached to the man friend because of the possibility that maybe this relationship won't work out. Man friend told me that I need to take a chance on love and allow myself to be loved. See why I really like man friend? How do I get over my fears because I don't want to mess this up?

TMI

I know that in order to get people to follow your blog, you have to actually post something frequently. We all know that this is not one of my strong points. I have a ton of stuff that I could post, but I'm not sure if I want to. If I share my deepest thoughts and special moments, then are they really that deep and special?

One thing that I will share is that I have recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. My Fibro is considered severe and I usually have more bad days than good. I have an amazing physician and we're working together to determine what works for me and what doesn't. My legs bother me the most and I don't sleep well at night (even with medication). I've read that those of us with Fibro don't get into R.E.M sleep because our muscles don't relax. So, for the time being my posts will be about living with Fibromyalgia.

The sorta big news is that I'm dating someone! We're not in a committed relationship, but it's a possibility down the road. I won't go into names and too much information, but he's a great guy and I'm taking everything one day at a time. I figured I share this with you seeing that not too long ago, I posted about how bad I wanted to meet someone! The universe has finally heard my cry!

I think that being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia has opened my eyes to some things that I need to change. Because I don't often feel well, my tolerance for people has decreased substantially. I discovered that I'm only interested in keeping those friendships that thrive on give and take. I have to take care of myself in order to get this Fibro under control, and that means that I need love and support. The people who have proven to be supportive and loving are the ones who call or text me regularly, even just to ask how I'm feeling. I don't even mind those who check up on me through face*book. So, if I told you about my diagnoses and you don't have time to hear me whine, leave me alone and I'll call you when a cure has been developed!

It's really amazing to me that those who are supposed to be my nearest and dearest, only call to tell me about their problems; never stopping to ask about me. I'm not going to apologize for being selfish, but a friendship is supposed to be half and half; just like a romantic relationship.

Those who can't step up to the plate in my family better watch out too, or they just may end up going straight to voicemail whenever they call ! (I got a Smart*phone last Sunday, and I love the "straight to voicemail" option that you can assign to phone numbers).

Smooches

How The Time Passed

I fell ill the day after Thanksgiving and did not get better until the week before Christmas. The culprit; swine flu. I'm all better now, except for the fact that my ears hurt.
Any how, here is an update on what's been going on in my life,
1.) Christmas was great
2.) My mom fractured the bone in her foot
3.)My car is crap, so I'm considering fixing it or buying a new one
4.) Nehemiah will be 3 on Sunday
5.) My birthday is a month away
6.) I got a 4.0 my first semester of school
and that's about it.

The Audacity of Those Who Lack Common Sense

Last Wednesday Nehemiah had a very bad visit with his father. For the sake of time let's just say that Miah will not be visiting with his dad until further notice. I am extremely frustrated by this man's lack of common sense. He goes for months without so much as a phone call, then when he shows up, he thinks all is well. I made myself quite clear last week that he ruined the opportunity for further visits with Miah.
The hard part; reassuring a 2 1/2 year old that there is normality and consistency in his life. I sat Miah down and explained some things to him. I decided that no longer am I going to make excuses as to why he doesn't see daddy all the time. I told him that daddy loves him and I gave Miah the choice of deciding when he wants to spend time with daddy. When Miah decides he wants to see his dad it will be at our home and I will be there. I also told Miah that he can call daddy whenever he wants.
The part that hurts. Miah is worried that if he doesn't go to his dad's house he will "make daddy sad." My son shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to go back to a place where he felt unsafe and afraid! This is what really gets me, since the incident last week his father has asked for another visit! The audacity of this man. What on earth would possibly give him the idea that he would ever have the option again to take Nehemiah for a visit! After talking to my parent's lawyer last week, I know that I have the right to deny all visitation that is not mutually agreed upon. Although I'm angry, I will continue to put Miah's best interest ahead of my feelings. When Miah is ready to see and talk to his father again, he will; under my terms.

Past and Present

As the days go by, I discover more about myself than I knew before. Last year during this time I embarked on a journey to determine who this Thomasina person really was. Everything had turned up side down and I questioned everything I thought I already knew.

Now, a year later I can say that I know who I am.

I know who I am as an individual, a mom, a Christian etc. I've learned that what makes me tick or what ticks me off is okay. I can now say no to others without feeling bad. I can let things slide off my back. I can handle life with a tighter grip.

I can love me while looking fabulous or normal. I no longer worry what other people think because it doesn't matter.

I can accept criticism and avoid being judgemental. I can determine if a situation in my life will matter in the long run.

I made it through one of the biggest challenges in my life, and I would do it all over again if it meant becoming the woman that I am.

It's Been A Long Time

Nehemiah and I are all moved into our house, and the address change is official. The move last week went quite well and I didn't have to lift anything, not even a box! My movers aka family members were great. It was bitter sweet saying goodbye to my friend/landlord however. If she didn't move to New Orleans, I wouldn't be living in her house and neither of us would be exploring the new journeys that have presented themselves for us. She and I still manage to chat just about everyday.
The greatest news, Miah is sleeping in his own room in his own bed! I'm so proud of the little guy and he's quite proud of himself. He's allowed to come into my bed in the morning, and so far I've been really good about sticking to this rule. He does wake up in the middle of the night, but I stand outside his door and settle him down. Sometimes I go in and pat his back and he falls right back to sleep. He likes his radio on and the door closed. He also likes it really dark, which is still a bit shocking to me.
I'm still working on strenghthening my back at physical therapy, but so far so good. Each week I'm making progress and I'm not in as much pain. I'm going to a new physician who happens to be a Christian who practices Eastern Medicine. She truly believes in the holistic approach, so she gave me a ton of insight about what I need to be doing to help this sciatica problem. The bad news is my allergies are extremely bad, so I'm on a restricted diet. This means no flour/wheat products, so my diet is lean meat, veggies, and fruit. I do feel better when I don't eat the good stuff like bread, so I guess I can't really complain.
School is great. I have a 96 in one class and an 87 in the seminar I'm taking. The session is over in 2 weeks, then it's on to math. I've been trying to stay ahead on assignments, so that I can spend my nights unpacking. Life is thinning out and I'm making more room to breath. Can't wait to post again more regularly.

6 Things

Some new and exciting things are getting ready to take place, which will leave me most likely feeling a bit overwhelmed. However, I cannot wait to begin!

1.) I will begin school next week; September 9th. This is such a big deal to me and it's still surreal that it is actually happening. I'm attending on-line and will be receiving my schedule via email sometime today. I received news last week that my financial aid left me owing over $4000. I was totally freaked and didn't know what to do. I tried taking out a loan, but it wasn't approved. With much prayer and supplication, I decided to attend part-time, which won't effect my financial aid as I had thought. I now have money left over for this semester and the winter and I will be graduating in 2012. This was suprising news because I didn't think I would be graduating until 2012 anyway, so it all worked out.

2.) I am giving my 30 day notice later on today or first thing tomorrow morning. I am going to be moving into the house next door and am so excited! My friend/landlord who I am going to be renting from gave me great news that she would buy the paint I picked out for the living room because she loved the color so much! That leaves me responsible for the paint in the dining room aka the toy room and for Nehemiah's room. Nehemiah is excited too because his room is going to be painted blue with lots of airplanes. I'm am dreading the whole packing things into boxes, but at least I don't have to rent a truck because I'm only going next door. I guess it's a good thing that I'm going to be out of work for awhile.

3.) My friend/landlord and I sat down last night and made out a budget for me. I was quite suprised that things worked out much easier than I had expected. I am learning how to spend responsibly so that I can start saving to possibly buy this house when it goes up for sale in about 2 years. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I just have to learn how to really differentiate between a want and a need.

4.) I am continuing to have improvement with my leg and hip. I'm waiting to hear if my insurance is going to cover the MRI, so in the mean time I will be continuing physical therapy. I have been doing my daily strenthing exercises and they are getting easier each day. I will be out of work for about another month, but I found out last week that I am eligible for some disability so I will have some money that will be used for other expenses besides moving. I still can't drive, but my mom and dad have been so terrific with driving me where I need to go.

5.) I started reading a great book (another Nic recommendation) on spiritual guidance. It is really helping me realize that God truly believes in me. I've known this for awhile now, but have never actually had it explained. Reading this book each day has made me open my eyes to the fact that God has already given me everything I need to succeed in each area of my life right now. My life at this moment is exactly how it is supposed to be; including all the ups and downs and the many, many struggles that keep coming my way. I know now that I cannot fail! What a feeling!

6.) I have a big decision to make regarding Miah and daycare. To help me save money, I'm considering pulling Miah out of daycare and having my mom babysit each day. My mom has worked in child care for over 30 years and is quite excited about the possibility. She and I talked this morning and decided that if she does babysit him, she would take him to special play activities at the library each week so that he can still have interaction with other children. She said she would also do circle time and a craft with him, so that he is still learning as much as possible. I really like the daycare Nehemiah goes to; he has made great friends and has terrific teachers, so this is a hard decision. Let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions.

"George"

I have some fairly good news, I have not had to use my cane for 3 days. Hopefully I will be able to drive and return to work soon. So here's my latest discovery.

There is a certain someone (we shall call him "George") who has been in my life for 13 years, and will remain in my life for oh about another 16 years. "George" has been coming around a lot lately, and his help has been much appreciated. For the last few years, I have had on and off again love and anger toward this man. However, I've had to learn how to let go and accept that motherhood would continue with or without him. Have you figured out who "George" is yet?

Since he's been coming around, I noticed that there is no attraction to him anymore. No small flutters in my stomach, no anger that wants to shoot out, no hope that one day we would be together again. I have accepted that he and I will never be a couple again. I am well pleased with this discovery.

So, how did I respond when "George" decided to confess his undying love for me? I told him that I would always love him for two reasons and for those two reasons only. I explained that there would never be nothing more for the two of us. He was disappointed. I was relieved that finally I had spoken those words to him out loud.

I don't know if "George" meant everything he said to me, or if he was playing his usual games. Either way it goes, my heart has totally healed and I can now accept that some things that don't work out are truly for the best!

Sometimes You Have to Cry

I got the results from my x-rays and my bones are ok. The doctor thinks I have damaged my left leg sciatica. I started physical therapy last Thursday and I went again this morning. I also have to walk with a cain. My therapist recommended that I go for a MRI because the pain is spreading and it's not getting better, so she thinks I could have a slipped disk in my back. With that said, I cannot return to work this week and I still cannot drive. I see my doctor again on Thursday.


Last night I was in so much pain that I couldn't do anything but cry. I'm easily aggitated by everything, and yesterday I woke up with a serious case of post nasal drip that has not let up. I have been in tears a lot during the past few weeks and I still don't feel any better.


Since my parents and Miah's dad have been helping out so much with my parenting responsibilities, I'm starting to think that I'm not as good of a mom as I ought to be. I can't go out and play and I'm not supposed to be picking him up. I can't even hold him that long because I can't tolerate his weight on my leg. what kind of mom gets hurt and doesn't even know how it happened!


Miah has been throwing horrible tantrums and he even kicked me a few times. I'm convinced that my kid hates me! I think he's angry because everyone but me has been taking him to the park and outside to play. I can't even take or pick him up from school. There was a carnival over the weekend and my mom took him, which was great, but he told me that he was sad that I couldn't come. I totally feel like a slacker. Keep praying for me because I'm feeling defeated in many areas of my life right now

Why I've Been Away

Sorry I haven't blogged in over a week, but things have been rather hectic. Here's what's been going on

1.) Had a great time at the family reunion. Met lots of cousins and got to see relatives whom I haven't seen since childhood.



2.) Nehemiah did well with the car ride. He loved the hotel room, or maybe I should say he loved the beds in the hotel room because he got to jump on them.



3.) Here's the downer: On the car trip home, I some how managed to hurt my leg. Since last Sunday, I have had a swollen and painful left leg.



4.) I have had a Doppler test and so far, I don't have any blood cots.



5.) I had x-rays done on Friday and I'm still waiting for the results.



I'm on meds that totally make me unconscious. I haven't been able to work or drive in over a week. I'm in pain and I'm extremely stressed about this whole thing with my leg. Did I mention that I won't have a paycheck next week. To make things more difficult, I'm dealing with some family stuff that I have no control over. So much stuff has hit me all at once and frankly I'm feeling quite defeated. The weather has been fabulous and all I can do is hobble my way to the porch and watch Miah ride his bike.

Hopefully tomorrow the doctor will call me with the results of the x-rays. So until things with my leg get better I will remain at my parent's house on the couch watching daytime television. Please keep me in your prayers.

BlAcK

Lately in the media there has been a lot of discussion about what it means to be "black." Within my own culture, an educated man or woman who speaks well is trying to act "white." The last time I checked, education and speech didn't come marked with a race.



The statistics for my people are horrible. Many believe that we can't be successful unless we rap or play a sport. Making money seems to be what drives most, except greed starts to over take need. When are we going to hold ourselves to a higher standard?



Seeing that I don't fit into this classification, where does this leave me? I'm not "black enough" for some of my sistas because of my light skin and "good" hair, or maybe it's because of the way I raise my son.



At 27, I still get teased for the way I talk and the music I like. And as far as my parenting, that seems to be a public discussion. I hear constantly, "We don't do things like that cause we're black. Only white people treat their kids like that!"



Shut up already! I know the legacy that runs through my veins. I know the story of the struggles my people went through. I know where we have been and the journey we are yet still on.



Just because the "good things in life" and the "American dream," seem to be reserved for those who are not of color, does not mean that I will stand back and not fight for my piece of the pie. My accomplishments, goals and dreams, for me and my son are not painted in white, black, brown, or tan. They are painted with hope and faith, and that's all we need to get us by!

So if my walk and talk offend you, well then it's just too bad. To fit into your preconceived notion about how this BlAcK woman should be living her life? Thanks for your unwanted opinion, but actually...I'm aight!

And Now

Lots of new stuff going on in my life, which leaves me excited and for once not anxious. For the first time in about a year, I feel like I have some control. Life at home is changing, but i'm open to what new doors will opened. Friends are moving (GA seems to be the "in" place to live now!) and although I'm excited for the newness that will be coming their way, I'm also very sad that they will be gone. I'm especially sad because Nehemiah's best buddy will no longer be around the corner. How do you explain change to a 2 year old? I will mourn their leaving for awhile, but life has to go on. Instead of playdates we will have Skype dates and phone calls. Real friends find time for one another, so I'm sure that the distance between us will only make our hearts grow fonder. With all this change comes the biggest change of all, my returning to school to study Business Administration and Mangement. This has been a goal of mine forever, and finally it's coming true! I'm going back to college. To put in words the emotions I feel whenever I speak that sentence cannot be done. Thankfullness floods my being and I want to fall on my knees just say "thank you." No one truly knows what God has done for me. This blessing will be stored in my heart forever.

It looks like I will moving into the house next door in Oct, and I'm very excited.

Good Bye Frank

Well I've managed to do it again...I killed Frank. Don't worry he's a plant, not a person! Sorry Nic, I tried. I got a new plant to take Frank's place, too bad that poor plant has no idea what its in for. Wish me luck!

I talked to Nehemiah a bit ago and he is really having a hard time being away from home. I know he's fine with his dad, but my mama bear instinct is to leave the office and go get my boy! I need this trial run before Hawaii (22 days) otherwise I will not enjoy myself for worrying about my kid. I have never been a fan of being away from home and I don't want him to be the same way, so I know I need to be strong and get through this week. I don't know whose more upset, him or me.

Funny Story

Thursday morning Nehemiah was reading a book to me. As he was reading, I realized that he was saying F*&$! I said, "Nehemiah don't say that word cause it's a cuss word." He looked at me in all seriousness and said, "Mom I not cussing, the book is." What do you say to that?

Here's What I've Been Up To

So I haven't blogged in awhile, but that's what happens when you get Bronchitis and a sinus infection. Here's what we've been up to...


~Went to get new undies at Vickie Secrets with my "goon" Nic (my girl fa life!)

~Celebrated Charlene's birthday at Nic's house on Sat (that was an interesting evening)

~Went to church on Sunday and got refreshed

~I've been getting up around 5am to have some time with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is so good to me, where would I be without my Lord

~Nehemiah and I did the dishes together for the first time last night

~And the best...NEHEMIAH POOPED IN THE BATHTUB LAST NIGHT!!!!!