Yesterday, I had a difficult time with everything I attempted to accomplish. I woke up aching more than usual, and I was so fatigued I couldn't see straight. It turns out that I didn't take my pain pill before I went to bed Friday night. My mom took Nehemiah, and I went back to sleep. However, when I awoke from my nap, I felt as though I hadn't slept at all. I have learned how to deal with the daily aches and pains that come with the Fibromyalgia; I have not learned how to deal with the chronic fatigue. This is where the frustration sets in; I never feel rested. If I don't take a sleeping pill at night, I will not fall asleep. And guess what, I still don't sleep throughout the night with the sleeping pill. It's been a long time since I have experienced a good night's sleep. From what I have read in my Fibromyalgia book, chronic fatigue is the hardest thing to get under control. I pray that one day; the restful sleep will come back.
Now to the good stuff; the man friend. The man friend was supposed to come over last night, but we had a difference of opinions. He has made it clear that he's ready for a serious relationship. This is not an easy commitment because I don't come alone; Nehemiah and I are a packaged deal. He has also made it clear that he's ready for the packaged deal. I am in awe that this amazing man is ready to love me and my son. Now here's the kicker; man friend feels that I am making him pay for the mistakes of the men who have hurt me before. I am all about taking things slow; man friend says he will patient with me, but I need to stop thinking that he will turn out to be like the other men I have dated in the past. I have been hurt so badly before. No one will ever understand the bruises on my heart; the brokenness of my soul. I know that man friend is not like the others, but my mind keeps coming up with all these "what if's" scenarios. He wants to spend more time with Nehemiah and he understands my hesitation. I don't want Nehemiah to get attached to the man friend because of the possibility that maybe this relationship won't work out. Man friend told me that I need to take a chance on love and allow myself to be loved. See why I really like man friend? How do I get over my fears because I don't want to mess this up?