Another Update

I'm still undecided if I'm going to post about the seizures, but I wanted to give everyone an update anyway. I'm doing better, but I can tell that it's going to be a long journey ahead of me. Managing the seizures plus the Fibro is difficult. However, today I feel much better than I've felt in a really long time! I appreciate all the prayers and good thoughts that have come my way. I'm trying to keep my spirits up because it's quite easy to fall into a pity party. Nehemiah has been so good to me, and he insists on taking care of his mama! I'm so blessed to have him as my son. This journey has also proved that I am much loved, so thanks to everyone who has called, emailed, or texted me! It really means a lot.

Diagnosis

I wanted to let you all know that I haven't forgotten about you or my blog, but I have some pretty major stuff going on. I have been diagnosed with non-epileptic seizures, and this has been a rough road for both me and my family. So please continue to pray for me and allow me to deal with this diagnosis. I'm still undecided if this journey will be something that I openly post about, or if this is something I deal with privately. Thanks for being understanding.

Weekend Rewind

I'm so proud to say that for the past three nights…NEHEMIAH HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN HIS OWN ROOM!!!! I'm praying that this accomplishment lasts this time. I have no problem admitting that I'm at fault just as much, if not more, to blame for this bedtime catastrophe. There have even been a few instances in which I have gone into his bedroom and carried him back to my room. Reason being, he's my security blanket…okay it's more like I'm a control freak and feel like I have more control over the unknown if Nehemiah is near me {I know, I need to relax}. Yes, I'm a believer and I know full well,

Psalm 4:8
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

However when my mind starts in on all the "what if's," I sometime let fear and worry overtake me. This is something I can promise you that I'm working on and of course praying about.

Friday night we had a special meeting at church in regards to some very important changes. A few months ago our beloved pastor went home to be with Jesus, and since then his son has taken over as our pastor. Although our new pastor is not an unknown face to our congregation, getting used to a new leader has become a challenge for me. The death of my pastor was difficult because he had been my pastor for literally my entire life! How do you just let go and automatically fall under the leadership of someone new?

On Friday we became aware of some changes that our new pastor wants to propose, and I just don't know if I can continue to roll with the punches. I love my church, and the members have really grown in faith and dedication to the Lord. We have one goal in common; to make it to Heaven some day. I am the youth leader and I'm also in charge of children's church, but I've been quite stagnant with my youth group responsibilities for various reasons. Now that I have more free time, I want to get back to my youth group duties.

However, I'm torn between staying at the church where I have been my whole life, compared to just packing up and going someplace new. Just like a job, every church will have their own set of unique problems, so I can't run to a new church and expect things to be perfect all the time. I would have to visit other churches in my town to determine where Nehemiah and I would go to worship, and frankly I'm not too keen on that idea. All I know is that I will not make a move without knowing full well that I'm doing what's best for Nehemiah and me. So until that day comes, I will continue seeking God for direction.

Saturday morning I woke up and did some cleaning and laundry. Now, I know most people don't get excited about cleaning and laundry but here's why this is so special. Cleaning used to exhaust me, and my body ached so bad that I just didn't have the stamina to get my house in order. Not to mention tackling the basement stairs while carrying a laundry basket was a nightmare for both my legs and my hands. I haven't carried a laundry basket down to the basement since the end of May {don't worry; my mom took care of the laundry for me because she's a great mommy!}. After the laundry was washed, I was even able to hang some of the clothes on the line so that they could dry outside {one of my efforts in making my household more Green}! I can't wait to tell my occupational therapist about this milestone.

Saturday evening Nehemiah, Raheem {my nephew, in case you forgot}, and I went to the MOPS {mothers of preschoolers} family picnic. My nephew, his girlfriend, and their three-month-old son {whom I just love to pieces} went too. The picnic was to kick off the new year of MOPS, and I wasn't too sure if I was going to attend after receiving the invitation. The MOPS chapter in my town meets at a local church, and I've heard great things about the program but wasn't sure if I wanted to attend. This was mainly because at the time I had so many time constraints, but now that my evenings are pretty open I decided to venture out and try something new. I also wasn't sure if the other parents would treat me differently because I'm a single parent. I only knew two women at the picnic, but I met some awesome mamas who were more than willing to welcome Miah and me. Child care is provided during the meetings, so Miah gets to come to the meetings with me! Meeting other moms is always a wonderful way to build a support network, so I really think this a great opportunity. The first meeting is in a few weeks, so I'll have to post some updates.

Sunday was wet, rainy, and a little cold {I smell fall in the air-and I'm a little excited}. We ate breakfast and then got ready to head out to church. We had an amazing church service, and my soul felt refreshed. When we got back home some of the family came over, so we spent the afternoon hanging out watching movies. Nehemiah and Raheem went outside for a little bit and managed to get mud all over their arms, legs, hands, and back! Then they both proceeded to walk into the house with the mud. I almost blew a gasket! Luckily the mud was more attracted to the boys than to my carpet! Needless to say, days like that remind me of the reason I only have one child! But just as my mom says, "boys will be boys." I say, "thank goodness for washer machines, soap, and water!"

Nehemiah had a rough afternoon, and by evening I had grown tired of the whining and crying. By dinner time I had exhausted myself with redirecting him that I handled a situation simply by giving him a kiss and telling him that I loved him. We both had a much better evening after that. Better, not perfect, but in those crazy moments you really learn how to pick your battles. My friend Lisa and her kids came over for dinner, so Nehemiah was happy to have some more buddies over and his behavior improved dramatically. He ended up falling asleep quite early, so I blame tiredness for his behavior.

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend, and I hope you have an even better week!!!

Motherhood

On Tuesday I had the procedure done to determine what's going on with my tummy. The procedure determined that there is nothing extremely problematic going on, which is a blessing! I have a follow-up with the specialist in a few weeks, and I have to meet with my primary doctor soon. My primary doctor thinks it may be Crohn's Disease or Colitis. Both are easy fixes and although I don't want either, I'm so thankful that cancer isn't something we have to consider. I'm feeling pretty great today {I had a versed reaction to the pain meds, so I was ill for the past few days}, and luckily my Fibro pain is at a 1 today {my pain is measured on a scale of 0-10 with 0 being no pain and 10 being severe pain}. Nehemiah has been praying for me every day, and he's been such a big help around the house. I fall more in love with him every day! He has such a servant's heart, and I'm so thankful God blessed me with a wonderful son.

So, I spent all afternoon and evening composing my wish list for the fall fashion items that I adore and guess what, I can't get the stupid pictures to show up!!!! Grrrr, talk about irritating. Anyway, I haven't posted since last week so I figured I needed to get something up soon, which brings to the topic of motherhood. I love being a mom, but being a single mom can be complicated and let's face it, challenging. Earlier today I had a conversation with another single mom, and we discussed what could have possibly attracted us to the fathers of our children. I explained that although we are not the "typical" family, I wouldn't change any aspect of my life. If it wasn't for Nehemiah's father, I wouldn't have Nehemiah. No matter how much I hate to admit that, it's the truth. I have an awesome little guy, and I would travel down that road over and over again just to get to Nehemiah.

I used to be guilty of wishing my life was more like the fabulous lives of my friends. This included being skinny, having money, having a husband, owning a home, driving a new car, being able to go shopping all the time, and traveling {call me shallow, I can take it}. Then I realized that my life isn't so bad. I have what I need, and I've been lucky enough to usually get some of the things that I want. If I lived the life of someone else, my life would be lacking one very important thing; the ability to be Nehemiah's mama. The thought of that makes me nauseated because I love my son so much. So although this rode is bumpy, and I sometimes have to cry myself to sleep, I wouldn't want to live the life of anyone else. Being Thomasina means that I get to be called mama, and that's a name I never grow tired of hearing!

Don't forget Project Runway tonight. I'm so hoping Casanova goes home; I just don't think he has what it takes to make it.

Contentment

Having Fibromyalgia apparently means that other body parts and or organs feel like they have permission to misbehave. I have been having some tummy issues, and today I met with the specialist and next Tuesday I will be having a procedure done. Only after the procedure will we know for sure what's going on. Tomorrow is my third cranial sacral therapy {a form of occupational therapy used for pain management} session, and so far it has worked wonders for my pain. I can actually remember how great feeling "normal" is!

Nehemiah is peachy, and he has been loving these long {and did I mention hot and humid} summer days. He went to vacation Bible school last week and was so sad when Friday came around. I found out that we have a Christian elementary school here in town, so I'm thinking that once Nehemiah gets closer to kindergarten I will have to check it out.

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I purchased a magazine on Friday, and Jennifer Hudson was on the cover. She looks amazing {of course}, but after reading the article I was a little discouraged. Now, I'm not sure what sparked Jennifer Hudson's weight loss, and although she is now a size 6 I thought she was beautiful at a size 16. Why is it that women are only "beautiful" when they're skinny? Who decided that being thin was the goal that most women would spend their existence trying to reach? This drives me nuts! I was at the gym 5 days a week, but I had to stop going because of some health issues. It felt good having time to myself for a little while every day, but I felt like I was killing myself because every move and decision I made resulted around my weight. I'm not over weight nor unhealthy, all I wanted was to look like everyone else; skinny.

There, I said it…I'm guilty of doing the very thing I cannot stand for women to do-compare themselves. It seems that we always want something else, never being content where we are. We should never become stagnant or complacent; in fact we should strive to become better individuals. My point is we miss the greatness of today if we're too busy hoping for what tomorrow may or may not bring. The truth is I weigh what I weigh, and I wear the size that I wear. I'm curvy, always have been even when I wore a much smaller pant size. I'm healthy and that's no longer something I take lightly. I'm never going to look like the people I see on television, and that's okay. Those people are not me, and they don't live the great life that God handcrafted just for me. Of course things could be better in my life…much easier perhaps. However, I don't think I would be as strong as I am if I lived the life of someone else {or walked a mile or two in their skinny jeans}.

And that strength my friend is what brings me contentment.

A Bit of This and a Whole Lot of That

So many changes have taken place that I had to start writing again before I forgot all the details.

Seeing that Nehemiah and I are on a new journey, I figured what better way to introduce our changes than by a blog makeover {think it looks good if I may say so myself}.  Onto the changes.

1.) I finally got water baptized on July 11th.  This was an amazing moment that has since deepened my relationship with Christ.  I have been making time each day, usually in the morning, to just be still and know that He is God.  My days are so much better when I keep Christ first.

2.) I was blessed with the opportunity to become self-employed {this is the most detail I'll give seeing that after all, this is the Internet}, which means that I'm officially a stay at home mom!  Prior to leaving the office, Nehemiah informed me that I was always cranky when I came home.  My plate was too full and I didn't know how to down size, so when the opportunity presented itself I decided that leaving the office was the best choice for Nehemiah and myself.  In making my decision I made up my mind that money would not stop me from doing what was best for us, so we're learning how to cut back on things that are really not necessary.

3.) I've been pain free for...are you ready? 3 days!  I started receiving Craniosacrial Therapy last week for the Fibromyalgia and so far it has been a huge success.  The occupational therapist caught on quickly that I don't relax {i'm learning}, and so she has demanded that I take some time out of my day each day for me {I can get used to that}.  The bad news is I have some other health issues going on, but my doctor isn't too worried at this point.  I have to have a procedure done soon, so your prayers are appreciated.

4.) You all know that sleeping is a very difficult activity for me and anyone else with Fibro.  Well, I've only had to take 1/2 of the pill that I take at bedtime {it's not a sleeping pill so no worries}for a restful night's sleep.  I can take up to 3 pills, which I've had to do in the past, but for the last month or so I've been able to decrease the dose.  I've been staying up later than 9:30pm, and I wake up each morning refreshed. 

5.) Nehemiah is growing and thriving and has turned into a preschooler {gulp}.  I love being home with him everyday because I get to watch him as he makes discoveries.  I know all parents think their children are the best, and of course I'm no exception because I have the best kid in the world.  We're still battling the sleeping-in-his-bed issue, but he's beginning to stay in his room for majority of the night. 

Here is Nehemiah holding a snail for the first time!

6.) As of next Saturday, I will have completed one year of school {insert your applauds here please}!  Now only two more to go then onto grad school.  I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll figure it out.

So now you're all caught up on what you've missed for the month.  I look forward to posting regularly again, as well as catching up on your lives.  It's long over due!

Where I Am Right Now

I received the following in an email this morning, and it sums up my life right now. I know I have been distant-in fact I have been non-existent to my blog, but I am experiencing a lot of struggles and uncertainties, and frankly I haven’t been in the sharing mood. Know that I haven’t forgotten about you, and I am hoping to catch up on all the blogs I follow over the next few days. Nehemiah is great, and when I look in his eyes I’m reminded of the reasons I cannot give up!


The ground I stand on is shaky, and the floor beneath me is cracked; nothing has remained constant except for change. I’m leaning on the fact that,

“This too shall pass.”

LORD PROP US UP...{there is more to this story, but here is what I wanted to share}

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old fellow who always prayed, ‘Lord, prop us up on our leanin’ side.’ After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered, ‘Well sir, you see, it’s like this.... I got an old barn out back. It’s been there a long time; it’s withstood a lot of weather; it’s gone through a lot of storms, and it’s stood for many years.

It’s still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a bit.

So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn’t fall.

Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn. I’ve been around a long time. I’ve withstood a lot of life’s storms. I’ve withstood a lot of bad weather in life, I’ve withstood a lot of hard times, and I’m still standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, ‘cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at times.

Hello Sunshine

Hello sunshine it's been too long
since I felt your beautiful warmth upon my face
And how much have I missed
'Cause I've been focused on everything wrong
This road just felt so long
I forgot to lift my head to see you

Oh my lovely shining for me
Let my eyes see all the beauty
Oh-oh

Hello sunshine since the moment
That I felt your beautiful warmth
I knew that I'd do anything
To keep this feeling of you
My heart comes alive
Oh who could add a day to this life
By drowning every dark sky

Oh my lovely shining for me
Let my eyes see all the beauty
Oh-oh

Fill my dark skies
Make me see the light
Life is fine so bring in the sunshine
Oh-oh

Whoa-oh let in the sunshine
Whoa-oh let in the sunshine
Whoa-oh let in the sunshine
Let in the sunshine
{Song by BarlowGirl}

Windshield Wipers & God

Good early evening dear friends. I only have a few minutes to chat, but I wanted to share something with you. But before I get to that here are the usuals. My body is feeling great today {and it's cold and rainy}, but that nasty fatigue has plagued me all freaking day. I have a follow up with my doc tomorrow, so I'm preparing myself for the details coming from that visit. At most my meds are going to be increased.

So remember the little darling love of my life otherwise known as Nehemiah. Yeah well he did great sleeping in his room last night…or so I thought. I woke up this morning and who was laying next to me, that's right, Nehemiah. When he woke up this is how our conversation went,

Me: Nehemiah, did you wake me up before you got in my bed?

Nehemiah: Nope because you would tell me to go back in my own bed.

Me: Why did you come in my bed Nehemiah?

Nehemiah: Um… {long pause} I had a nightmare that I didn't have a family because they were all in Heaven.

That kid sure knows how to bank on my heart strings! So of course I scoop him up and ensure him that all of the family is fine and I tell him that I love him and how great he is and then I realize something. Nehemiah pondered a moment before answering why he came into my bed, and then he started his sentence with "um." So now the mommy radar goes off; my kid just played me. There was no nightmare {he would have woken me up}, the little booger just didn't want to stay in his bed! So I look into Nehemiah's eyes and ask him again why he got in my bed and this time I get…I don't want to talk about it, and he jumps off my lap and goes on his merry little way. Grrrrr. Gasp. Foot stomp. When did the kid get smarter than the parent? What am I going to do with this little pistol!

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Ok so now onto what I want to share. I had a discovery yesterday while driving to work. As you know I hate rain. The dampness, the dark skies, and the spots it leaves on your glasses, the coldness; yes, I hate every aspect of rain. Well while I was driving something hit me {not physically}, and I suddenly welcomed the rain. I watched as each drop fell on my windshield only to be wiped away. More rain would fall, and sooner or later the wiper blades would come on and do its job.

The rain reminded me of all the tears I have cried over the past few months. Tons of tears for various reasons. The wiper blades reminded me of God. See, the rain would stay on the windshield if the wipers were not turned on. My tears would continue to pile on my heart if I didn't ask God to wipe them away. Just like the wiper blades cannot do their job if you don't turn them on, God can't come in and intervene in your life unless you invite Him. Once the wiper blades were turned on, more rain could fall on the windshield but they couldn't stay there. They will keep getting wiped away. So, the tears that come from hurt and pain can continue to come, but they can't stay. God will eventually wipe them away. So, I said all that to say that I must constantly remind myself that no matter how many tears I will cry, I can always depend on God to wipe them away. Make sense?

That Was Then, This Is Now

There is something that I have to share with all of you.  For the past few weeks I have been having a difficult time managing this Fibromyalgia.  In the posts that said I was doing well with it, I was lying hoping that it would make me truly feel better.  The truth is I am sick.  I'm having pain more frequently, and I'm not fatigued but exhausted.  I am trusting that God will have the upper hand in the matter, so please keep me in your prayers.  I feel so much better now that that's off my chest.  Whew.

Nehemiah is just as wonderful and lovely as he normally is.  He figured out how to climb over the gate to get out of his bedroom {sorry if I already shared this}but I am determined not to give up on him sleeping in his own room.  Tonight is the second night of me enforcing him sleeping in his room, so we'll see how it goes.  I didn't get a good night's sleep last night because Nehemiah kept coming in my room so then I had to get up and take him back to bed.  He didn't have a nap today, so I'm praying that he stays asleep.

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This is mom and me on Easter

and this is me this morning wearing the same outfit

{excuse the wrinkles on my shirt, this shirt doesn't like to iron}.

  So what's the difference between the two pics you ask?  My tummy that's what.  Not a huge difference, but it's a change.  I got on the scale today and guess what...I'm dropping pounds {big smile on my face right now}.  This is fantastic seeing that I didn't get to the gym last week because I wasn't feeling well. 

That's all I have for tonight. 

Thanks for allowing me to share my accomplishments, no matter how big or small.

Good night!

Mother's Day

Kisses.

Sweetness.

Laughs.

Snacks.

Helping.

Assisting.

Family.

Fun.

 

Enjoying.

Smiles.

A Touch of Keeping It Real

There is so much floating around inside this little head of mine. So let me give you the basics before I start on today's randomness. I'm very tired today {was at the office until late last night, so I didn't get to bed until close to midnight}. Nehemiah is fabulous and has started sleeping in his room again a few nights out of the week. This is not a battle that I have the energy to fight every night.
I'm tired ladies and gentlemen, so I have to do what I have to do to get some rest.
                                                  
Now, onto the randomness. Some of my favorite blogs are those written by individuals who are brutally honest in bearing their souls. So I've decided to try to be one of those bloggers. Get your seatbelts on and buckle up cause I can't promise that the things that are about to come out of my mouth will be tasteful…

First: I made a conscious decision about what my life needs and doesn't need right now. With that said, I decided to call it quits with the man friend. Yes, I did just post that he and I were official, but official isn't what I need. I need stability and reliability, both of which I was not receiving. I'm no longer the girl who sticks around for the sake of being in a relationship. I'm now the woman who owns her needs and wants.

Does this mean I'm heartbroken? Nope, not even close {really, I'm fine}. Will I take what I've learned from this experience and move on? Of course. Have I thrown in the towel on dating and falling in love? Not even close. Do I still want to be married anytime soon? Um, no. I realized this little lady is nowhere near ready to head down the aisle, unless of course I'm rockin' out a fabulous bride's maid dress for one of my besties.

Second: I weighed myself at the gym Wednesday night and I have lost 8 pounds! I probably gained it all back yesterday when I ate those 4 chocolate chip cookies at the office. Anyway, I feel fab and I'm not looking too bad now a days either! I promise I will put pics up soon. My tummy is shrinking and I love it.

I'm so proud of myself because by no means is this journey easy. I'm devoted to getting my workouts in and I have cut so much junk out of my diet. School starts again next Wednesday, so I'm thinking I will be hitting the gym at 5am. I mean business about reaching my goal weight and maintaining it. I don't deny myself any food and this helps me so much. I'm more cautious of calories because I see how long it takes to burn a good amount of them while I'm on the treadmill.

I have also been avoiding Mc*onalds. I will eat there on a rare occasion and I order a happy meal. It's still junk, but not as many calories as the yummy Big Mac. My bestie Sam {who hits the gym with me} teases me that I have turned into a rabbit because I eat so much lettuce. I do eat other stuff too, but I eat a ton of veggies and fruit. I'm a bit concerned that I may not be getting enough protein because I don't eat much meat.  What's your thoughts on this one?

Third: If you haven't gone out and purchased the Black Eyed Peas E.N.D CD, you have no idea what you're missing! I absolutely love this CD. I have even managed to turn my mom into a Black Eyed Peas fan!

Fourth: I'm starting to feel a little undone. My plate is full, and I'm worried that some things will start spilling over the edges soon. I need to cut back on some things, but I'm not sure what I can remove. I have no downtime {which is why the laundry basket of clean laundry has been on the landing for about 2 weeks} and I'm desperate for some. Help!

Fifth: I think I'm starting to overcompensate on some things when it comes to Nehemiah. I don't get to spend enough time with him during the week, so I've been a little lax on a few particulars. Yes, this is the real reason I haven't forced the sleep-in-your-own-room issue. I know he misses me, so is it so wrong to let him snuggle up with me at night?  Think long and hard about this one before you answer.

I've also been lax on the discipline issue. Before you scream at me, hear me out. When there is a major issue it is addressed, end of question. It's the smaller ones I let slide. You know, the ones like oh say cleaning up the toys. I realized this is a big issue in our house after I asked Nehemiah to pick up his toys and he said, and I quote: "If you want the toys picked up then you do it yourself!" Yikes! Yes, Nehemiah is spoiled in a sense {he is an only remember}, but I don't want to have a bratty kid. Where is the line between cop and push over?

Sixth: Tomorrow is my oldest sister's birthday, and Sunday is my mom's and my niece's birthday so we will be having a ton of fun this weekend. The weather is going to be very nice too and I can't wait to enjoy it.
So that's all I wanted to share. A little personal, but nothing you couldn't  handle right? You now have permission to take off your seatbelts.

Have a fabulous weekend the Thinkpink247 way!

A Brief Update

Another week has gone by, and I finally found a few minutes to post! Eeek! This crazy busy life of mine is all I know, so I don't have much choice but to make it work. The Fibromyalgia has not been giving me much trouble, and I am not complaining. I have noticed that it's taking me much longer to fall asleep at night, and I'm having an awful time getting up in the morning {nothing new here}.
I am still trying to hit the gym at least five days a week, and I'm starting to see some results. I was going through workout withdrawal when I was ill last week, and it was a bit challenging to get back into the routine. On Monday I signed up for a 15 minute abs class that meets twice a week. How much damage can you do in 15 minutes right? Apparently the answer to that is a lot. I am still super sore from Monday's class, so I have no idea how I am going to survive tonight! I'm determined to stay with this class, so we'll see how it goes.
Nehemiah is doing well of course. He loves to dance, and he informed me last night that he is the newest member of the Jabbawockeez! I am considering signing him up for a hip hop dance class. Nehemiah has a ton of rhythm, and he can watch people dance then imitate the move. He is determined to break dance, and is highly upset that I won't let him try!
The last bit of news; my final grade for Sociology was actually a 99.2%. Way to go me! Who would have thought that studying actually works J
Happy Wednesday.

And It Goes A Little Something Like This…

I apologize for being such a poor blogger lately. Time management is extremely difficult, and I don't have any down time at work anymore. Nehemiah and I are doing well {minus the strep throat I have}. The Fibromyalgia has been flaring up, which is due to the ample amount of stress I'm dealing with. The major source of the problem is work, so there's not much I can do in that department. Good things come to those who wait, so I'm trying to be patient with all the changes we're going through at the office.
Nehemiah is doing well. I can't get over how fast he is growing! He just keeps growing taller and taller, and he's so smart. Sometimes I'm taking back by his ability to reason. You can't pull anything over on him because he doesn't miss a thing. He has been a little mouthy, so it seems that I'm constantly correcting him. Tantrums are less frequent {thank you Jesus}, but are still intense when they happen.
For those of you who follow me on Face*ook this is not new news; the man friend and I are officially together. Yep, I'm in a relationship. So far, everything is good. I'm so not used to be complimented and supported. He's so wonderful, and my family and friends all seem to think that this is it: meaning that he's The One. I don't think we're far enough into the relationship to make that determination just yet, so I'm just taking each day as they come.
The most exciting news that I have to share is my besties and I will be getting together once a month for a Fabulous Friday. Mary, Sam, Jen, and I have been best friends since first grade! Growing up we all lived by each other. As children we fought and made up, and in high school we sort of went our own ways. However, through all the bumps in the road, we managed to stay best friends. We each have careers and families, but when it comes down to it, we're always there for one another. Mary lives in Georgia {she is the bestie I went to visit in Hawaii}, so we will phone her in. We're supposed to meet for dinner Friday night, and I'm praying I'm better by then.
My workouts have been successful, and I've been hitting the gym at least 5 days a week. I'm starting to lose inches, but the scale isn't decreasing. I got weighed at the doctor's yesterday, and I'm not gaining any weight. This is good, actually very good. Maintaining my weight has always been a challenge, so I need to pat myself on the back. Due to the strep throat I can't go to the gym, so I'm totally freaking out. I praying that I will be able to go again on Friday.
So dear friends, I just caught you up on what you've been missing. I pray all is well with each of you, and it looks like I will have the chance to catch up with your blogs too.
Have a great week!

I’m Back

Hi dear friends. I apologize for leaving you hanging on the details of the lives of Nehemiah and myself. I had a serious family issue involving some of my nephews, so I had to take a sabbatical from blogging for awhile. I love sharing my world with all of you, but some things are not meant to be in print. Things are getting sorted out with my nephews, but prayers would be terrific.

The Fibromyalgia has been under control for the most part. I started having a flare up on Easter and it continued up until yesterday. It left me of the couch for a few days, but thank God, I'm much better today. I had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago, and my physician was amazed at the progress I'm making. However, she and I were still not happy with my sleep patterns, so we decided to up the medication I take at bedtime. I am ecstatic about the fact that I am not at the full dosage for any of the Fibro meds! Trust that this is not by my own doing; God is truly shining mercies over me.

Nehemiah is doing so well. He had a fantastic Easter, and of course he got way too much candy {I managed to hide most of it}. We had Easter dinner at our house, and we had a good time. Nehemiah loved playing with all the kids. Since my bedtime meds increased, I have let Nehemiah sleep back in my bed. I know, I know what am I thinking! The meds literally knock me out, so I'm not sure that I would hear him if he called me in the middle of the night. Making sure that my kid is safe takes precedent over him sleeping in his own room. Once I am adjusted to the meds, Nehemiah and I will continue to work on getting him back in his bed. Until then, we're back to co-sleeping. On Saturday, my bff Lisa gave her son's old bike to Nehemiah. Nehemiah has a tricycle and loves riding it, but he has been asking for a "big boy" bike. When Nehemiah first got on the bike, he was trying so hard to get the hang of riding it. By the time my family left our home on Easter, Nehemiah could ride the bike by standing up to peddle. I have a feeling that the training wheels will be off by the end of summer!

When I went to the doctor's a few weeks ago, I got some really good news; I have not gained any weight for the past 2 months! Yay me! This is a great accomplishment, but I mentioned to the doctor that I am not losing any weight. Basically, the problem is this: the Fibro pain meds make it difficult for my body to break down carbs because my body doesn't know what to do with them, so they get stored. To fix this problem, I have to cut out most carbs that come in the form of bread and pasta. However, I am free to eat everything else my little heart desires; steak included.

Now, I've saved the best for last, so hang onto your seats. I have been working out consistently for a few weeks now, and I went jogging last week! I only jogged for a little while, and then I walked the rest of the way. I was so focused on my legs being strong enough to start running that I forgot one other major health issue; I'm asthmatic. The jogging made it hard to breath {I took my inhaler before I started the jog}, so I think I'm a little scared that jogging will bring on an asthma attack.

Now, the other terrific news is that my mom and I have joined a gym. My mom decided that working out would be good for her too. The gym requires a fee for new members, so my amazing mother paid the fee for me! The monthly fee is only $20, and special classes like spinning and yoga are $2.50 a session. A few years ago, I paid $80 for a 6 week Pilates class at another gym! We joined the gym yesterday, so I was able to get in a quick workout. Then, I woke up this morning at 5 and worked out again! My friend {who is also freaking out about our 10 year reunion} is also joining the gym, so I will be working out again this evening! I'm going at a slow pace, so that I don't injure myself {or anyone else for that matter}.

So dear friends, that's a glimpse into what you've been missing!

Happy Wednesday!

Thirty Things

Good morning dear friends.  I learned that my body definitely does much better with a lot of sleep because I got my 9 hours last night, and I feel terrific.  Nehemiah had a great night and a fabulous morning. Before leaving for work, I jumped up and down while clapping and yelling, "way to go Miah!"  Then I gave him a high-five, and told him how proud I am that he has been using his listening ears and speaking kind words. 

He was so happy this morning, and of course he told Nana; she gave him 2 high-fives! 
Sometimes we focus on the unwanted behavior so much, that we forget to praise the wanted behavior.  I love making a big deal out of the small things because Nehemiah needs praise just as much as he needs correction.

I opted out of going for a walk yesterday because my legs were hurting and cramping.  I feel great today and would love to go walking, but guess what, it's raining.  I so need a treadmill, gym membership, or a Wii; all of which are not in the budget any time soon! 
                                       

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After my meltdown the other night over my up and coming ten year high school reunion, which symbolizes how close I really am to being 30, I decided to do something fun with 30. 

So, here are 30 things about me that you may not have known.

30.) I love handbags.

29.) I cry over touching commercials.

28.) I adore the Golden Girls.

27.) I want to travel to London and Paris.

26.) I have been best friends with my nearest and dearest since 1st grade.

25.) I hate sports.

24.) I was a football cheerleader in high school.

23.) I just recently learned how to cook.

22.) I love makeup.

21.) I'm obsessed with all things Clinique.

20.) I love dancing in my undies in front of the bathroom mirror.

19.) I have 15 nieces and nephews.

18.) I'm afraid of thunderstorms.

17.) My three favorite colors are pink, green, and brown.

16.) I hate chocolate cake.

15.) I'm very acident prone {don't believe me; a few weeks ago, I fell into the bathtub while cleaning it!}

14.) I love laughing.

13.) Fall is my favorite season.

12.) I've lived in the same town/city my whole life.

11.) I've never been married.

10.) I hate cleaning.

9.) I can't eat certain meat because I visualize the animal in head {ex, veal equals a calf and her mama, deer equals Bambi}.

8.) In my dream job, I would be writing children's books.

7.) I bite my nails.

6.) I like folk music.

5.) I love collecting pictures out of magazines and glueing them in a journal.

4.) I live in pajamas {only at home of course}.

3.) I can't stomach looking at raw meat {especially chicken}.

2.) I love ketchup, but hate the way it smells.

1.) I have a mixture of both Irish and Native American ancestors.

Geesh!

Can I just say that my legs hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt! Today's a bad day; my legs are not only achy, they are throbbing with pain. However, there is some light in all this darkness; I am still able to function. Once upon a time ago, I would have been home in bed all day. I'm up and at 'em this morning {I even got to work early}. To make it worse, I forgot to take my sleeping pill last night, so I only slept for about 4 solid hours. I'm tired, but I'm not more tired than usual. Could it be possible that I'm sleeping too much? I usually get between 9 and 9.5 hours of sleep a night. Let's remember, I rarely feel rested, so I have no way of determining the impact of getting more or less sleep. I didn't get a workout in this morning because of my legs, but at least I got up on time. When I get home this afternoon, I have a date with my couch for a quick nap {hopefully}.

You're all probably wondering how Nehemiah handled bedtime last night. Well, I am thrilled to report that my boy did me proud! Yep, in his bed all night! He had a very rough evening while we were at Nana's {hitting, pinching, and using mean words}, so when we got home, Nehemiah was not allowed to have any TV {I know, how dare I take away Tom and Jerry}. The funny thing is Nehemiah didn't put up as much of a fight as usual. There was no TV to keep him occupied, so he didn't protest about going up to bed. Lesson learned; shut off the TV about 30 min before bedtime!

As I mentioned yesterday, it has been cold and rainy outside for the past few days. Well, guess what it did last night; it snowed! I thought I was going to be sick when I opened my door {my nephew set off my car alarm-on purpose may I add} and saw that yucky white stuff falling. How dare snow try to sneak up on us again! Thank God it was all melted by this morning. My SUV was not very happy either, seeing that ice covered the windows this morning. The sun is now shining, and overall it should be a good day. I would love to go for a walk after work, but I have to see how my legs are feeling.

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You all know that I am dreading the fact that I will be 30 in a few years. 30 has so many connotations to it, and it freaks me out. Frankly, I don't have it all figured out {I barely make it through each day with my head on straight}, and I seriously doubt that I will by 30. I love watching 13 Going on 30, but I am not by any means counting down the days until I will be, "thirty, flirty and thriving," {that's a mouth full}. Well, let me tell you what threw me over the edge last night. I checked face*book, and noticed that I had an invite to an event. The event; planning our ten year high school reunion! Ten year reunion, how can that be? That means that 30 is creeping up on me faster than I thought! I'm going to blink, and before you know it, BAM, I will need Botox. And did I mention that I found under eye wrinkles-wrinkles! The man friend thought my freaking out was hilarious {dramatic; of course, hilarious; definitely not}. So, I took a look at my fellow classmate's profile pics, and I can't believe that we are grownups! You couldn't pay me to do high school again {well, okay maybe}, but has it already been ten years since I walked across that stage to claim my hard earned diploma? Geesh!

The Mommy Meltdown

The temperature has dropped into the 30's again, and it's raining. So, it's dark and cold, and I'm tired. I am having the hardest time waking up in the morning. I would like to be up at 6 am so that I can get in a workout, but I usually end up sleeping until 7. Tonight, I'm going to try setting my alarm for 5, so that way if I keep hitting the snooze button, I should wake up by 6. Brilliant, yes I know. I had a great weekend. No flare ups! I worked my butt off on homework (which I'm swamped with this week too), and spent time with Nehemiah and the family. Nothing too exciting to report, but that's just fine by me. Oh wait, this is exciting; I have a 98 average in Sociology. I'm working hard to keep it up!

I do have some bad news to report. Nehemiah has spent the last 4 nights in bed with me. Now, I'm so tired at night, that I have been falling right asleep, and I've been staying asleep. Last night, I remember telling Nehemiah to go back to his room, but then I immediately fell back asleep. I woke up this morning, and there he was. Here's how the conversation went,

Me: "Nehemiah, why are you in my bed?"

Nehemiah: "Because I didn't listen to you when you told me to go back in my room. You went back to sleep, and I got in your bed. Maybe you should just put my bed in your room, or let me sleep in here again."

Smart little booger isn't he? So, here's my plan of action: continue to put the gate up at his doorway (he screamed at the top of his lungs the other night until I got up and took it down), slightly close my door (enough so that if he peeks his head out over the gate, he will think the door is closed), and pray that I keep my sanity. Now, the children in my family tend to not sleep in their own beds or in their own rooms, so Nehemiah and I are making a statement. One that says, "I'm the mom, and I'm not a pushover!" I have a fabulous relationship with my pediatrician, so I think I may give her a call this afternoon. I got over the fears I had about Nehemiah sleeping in his own room, and I now love having my bed to myself. When Nehemiah gives me grief about going to bed, it throws our whole night way off. He gets to bed late, so he wakes up cranky, and I don't get my much needed alone time. Someone help me pleeeeaaaassss!

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So, how about I had a major mommy meltdown Sunday morning before church. I got some new clothes back in January (super cute stuff that was like 70% off), and I haven't worn all of them yet. I didn't try the clothes on when I purchased them because everything was in my size. Sunday morning, I tried on this little denim jacket I bought, and guess what: IT DIDN'T FIT. I thought my mom was going to have to come and cut it off me (and I am not saying this so that you can get a laugh)! I tried on something different, thinking, okay no big deal. WRONG. The next shirt I tried on also didn't fit. I totally lost it! I screamed some obscenities (Nehemiah was not in hearing distance of course), cried (literally) that I was fat, shouted at my boobs for being too big, and then ripped through my closet to find something that did fit. Needless to say, we were late for church, but I did complements on the outfit I put together.

I don't obsess about weighing myself, but of course I got on the scale immediately after church. I have maintained my weight, so I don't know what the problem is. Now, I'm freaking out and obsessing about my weight. I still want to lose 30 more pounds, but I have been at a standstill. I announced to my mother that I will lose the rest of this weight very soon! I'm going to continue to do whatever it takes. I will keep you all up to date on how my progress is going. I'm ready for this challenge!

Winter Favorites

Spring is here, and I am so happy. Hopefully spring means no more snow, ice covered vehicles, wet pant bottoms, and cold nights. I am ready for flip flops, pedicures, and capris. Nehemiah is enjoying the park once again and going for walks to find secret treasures. We are very excited to be welcoming spring.

My good friend D, over at Design Your Life had a great post today on winter favorites. So reminisce with me down winter memory lane, as you take a look at a few of my favorite things. I had pictures posted, but for some reason, they would not show up. Sorry.

Favorite Memory:

1. My favorite winter memory is when Nehemiah and I watched the first snow fall of the year. It was in the evening, the sun was setting and the air smelled so clean. I held Nehemiah as we looked out the window and enjoyed the tiny snowflakes. The serenity on Nehemiah's face was priceless.
   

Favorite Song:

1. Breakdown, by Jack Johnson. Love the lyrics to this song! Ever feel like a song was written just for you? That's how I feel whenever I listen to this song.
   
2. Come Away with Me, by Norah Jones. Very melodic and relaxing.
   
3. Need You to Love Me, by Barlow Girl. By far, my favorite song. This song reminds me that no matter what I've done, I don't have to hide my face from Jesus.
   

Favorite TV Show:

1. Project Runway (fabulous)
   
2. Glee (hilarious)
   
3. Golden Girls-I know, I need help!
   

Favorite Food {Out}:

1. Stuffed Chicken Marcela, from the Olive Garden. Yummy.
   

Favorite Food {Home}:

1. Broccoli and pasta with parmesan cheese. It's super easy to make, and it's quick. Nehemiah loves it!
   

Favorite Purchase:

1. My Hyundai Santé Fe. Love my SUV. We get a ton of snow where I live, so 4-wheel drive is a must.
   
   

   2.) My Gateway laptop. I didn't want to spend the money, but it makes online education so much easier.
   

3.) My new Smartphone. I absolutely love it. I got a really great deal on the phone, so I couldn't resist.

Favorite Drink:

1. French vanilla cappuccino from Tim Horton's. This gets me going on those cold winter mornings.
   
   

I Couldn't Live Without:

1. Clinique Vitamin C Lip Smoothie in Rhubarbie. This stuff keeps my lips hydrated against the tough winter wind.
   
   

Favorite Winter Event:

1. Decorating the house for Christmas. I love how warm and cozy the house gets during this time of year.
   

So, here is my list dear friends. I'm interested in your favorite things, so don't forget to share!

Happy Spring!

It’s Friday Baby

It's Friday (like you didn't know that already), and words can't begin to tell you how happy this makes me. I'm so sleepy, and I have so much homework to do. And no, I didn't wait until the last minute; we had a lot of stuff due this week. Give me some credit people. I have gone to bed at 9 pm for the last two nights, and I'm still so tired. Maybe if I didn't sleep so much I could have a social life. Oh wait; I don't have a social life because I'm continuing my education. Trying to keep your eye on the prize isn't always easy. On the bright side, I'm not becoming achy until nighttime. This is a good thing.

Well, Nehemiah didn't have such a good night. He kept getting out of bed and I was so tired, that I just let him sleep in my bed. I know, I know; I caved. My legs were killing me (excuse), and I was so tired (another excuse) that I just wanted to sleep. When Nehemiah woke up this morning, he told me that he knows he will have to sleep in his room tonight. My 7-year-old nephew has been telling Nehemiah that something scary is going to come out of his closet and get him! It suffices to say that my nephew won't be saying that shiggity again.

The weather has been so great in my neck of the woods. We have gone outside every day this week (except Monday), and the fresh air feels so good. I even got to open up the moon roof on my SUV yesterday, and the day before (yeah, I thought I was the junk, but so what). The sun is still shining, so maybe I can get a walk in tonight. My 15 –year-old nephew is spending the weekend at my house, and I'm looking forward to having him around (he and I are very close; he calls me his best friend). And in case you were wondering, I have a total of 15 nieces and nephews! My one sister has 10 kids, and the other has 5! I have 1 kid, and that's just fine by me.

Well it's time for me to go open up my moon roof home, so adios.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the sunshine!!

Another Random Moment

Let me start off by saying that today is an absolutely gorgeous day! The warm weather is sticking around and the sun is out shining again today. This makes for a happy day, although I am drop dead tired! I'm hoping to get to bed early tonight because I have to be at the office very early tomorrow. I have a very important staff meeting in the morning, so I need to be on my game. My body is really having a difficult time adjusting to the time change. It already demands more sleep, so I feel like I'm starting all over again with learning how to control the fatigue. I'm all about spring, but the rain is a different story. I hate rain; thunderstorms (they scare me), mud (gets all over everything), and dark skies (I need sun remember). Not to mention how the rain makes me feel; blah. Now, I love the sound of rain just as much as the next person, but I would prefer it at night (without the thunder and lightning of course), and gone by the morning! That would suit me just fine.

I have terrific news; Nehemiah slept in his room all night long! I had to put the nightlight back in his room, and….I had to be a meany and put the gate up. He was so angry about the gate (he yelled at Miss Cinnamon like it was her fault), but he fell asleep shortly after. He was still asleep when I got up this morning! When I saw his handsome face once he woke up, he was wearing the biggest smile. "I slept in my room all night," was the first thing he said to me. According to Nana, Nehemiah is having an excellent day. See what a good night's rest can do!

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Now onto the thinkpink247 random moment. Have you ever heard a song on the radio that made you turn up your nose because of the lyrics? I love music and you can see from my sidebar that I like a wide variety of sounds. On my way home from the office yesterday, I heard a song about a sponsor. The chic was singing about how her sponsor pays her rent and puts money in her bank account and crap like that. Let me say that when I hear the word "sponsor," I think about the people you give money to because they are doing something like running a race for a good cause. When I heard this song, I came up with the image of an old nasty rich guy buying stuff for this girl. I don't even want to know what the girl had to do to keep her sponsor. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but whatever happened to women being empowered all on their own? Would I like to have someone pay my bills, of course (it would make life much easier for sure), but I don't like the idea of being dependent on someone else. Especially not being dependent on some guy who I don't even love. I have always held the theory that I can do whatever needs to be done on my own. It may take me a little longer and it may wear me out, but in the end I can say that I did it on my own. That's such a good feeling.

There are so many stupid song lyrics, and this sponsor song is definitely going on the list!

Dilemmas-Sorta

This whole losing an hour of time is really killing me! I woke up late this morning (that's nothing usual, but for the sake of this post, I decided to blame it on the time change), and had to rush to the office. This always makes for a disaster. Luckily, I didn't forget anything important and I made it to work safely. My legs feel better today, and call me crazy (wouldn't be the first time), but I really do feel better when the sun is shining. I read that sunshine is good for treating Fibromyalgia and so far this theory seems to be true. My fingers are crossed that we continue to have the nice weather the forecast is calling for.

I learned a life lesson last night. Don't let your kid watch Goosebumps before bed or else he will be scared and will have to sleep in your bed! This seems like a no brainer, except Nehemiah likes Goosebumps! Scary things on television usually don't scare him, so I'm not sure if he was actually afraid or just putting on like he was! And yes, he's smart enough to pretend to be scared. Anything to get out of sleeping in his own bed. We watched Goosebumps earlier in the evening, so I'm not sure what his problem was. He has been more feisty than usual these past few days. No changes have taken place, so I'm not really sure what's been going on. Maybe he's just being 3!

So, I have a few dilemmas. First, since I started taking the Fibromyalgia medication I have noticed that my face is breaking out. I have never had a problem with acne in the past, and I really don't want to start dealing with it at 28! I use the Clinique three step kit (cleanser, astringent, and moisturizer) and it works really well. However, I'm noticing that my checks are breaking out with little red bumps. I guess if I have to choose between pain and acne, I will definitely choose the acne. And my second dilemma isn't really a dilemma per say, it's more of a question; how do you know if you're falling in love? Now put the brakes on, I'm just asking a hypothetical question here, so don't get any ideas about me and the man friend just yet. I just like hearing stories of how people knew they were in love, that's all-I pinky swear!

Please share your stories with me, and let me know what you use on your skin.

Smooches

T.

My Life As I Know It

So, here we are once more; Monday. I guess I can't complain too much seeing that the day is almost finished. I started having a flare up last week, and by Friday it had gotten noticeably worse. By yesterday afternoon, I was convinced that my legs were going to fall off! The pain is slowly going away, but I'm still swollen. Yes, my legs swell when I'm having a terrible flare up (I get sick to my stomach too). I used a sick day today, so I have been in bed most of the day. I'm still not feeling 100%, but I'm better than I was this morning. Its days like these that make me angry and cranky. I like to be in control remember, so when I can't get things done, I tend to become miserable. And can you guess what needs to be done; laundry and dishes. The rest of the house isn't too bad, so I'll manage-I think.

Nehemiah had a lovely weekend. He was so disappointed that we couldn't go outside because of the rain, so I had to find ways to keep him busy inside. Yesterday, I babysat my friend's son, so Nehemiah was quite excited to have a playmate over. Nehemiah and I are having a reoccurring problem however; he keeps getting into my bed at night. He doesn't want the gate up at his bedroom door, but he won't stay in his bed. He has stopped waking me up to ask if he may get into my bed, so I don't often know he's in there until I hear, "move over, you're on my leeeeegggggg." Then he scares me half to death because he's screaming! It's a vicious cycle. We've come so far with the whole sleeping in his bed thing, so I don't want to give this up. I perhaps may just have to deal with the screams tonight as I attempt to put the gate up. At least we both will get a good night's rest-I hope.

Thanks for the comments and prayers that were sent my way over the weekend. I really needed it. I didn't get the chance to visit the cemetery because of the rain, but it was probably better that I didn't. As I mentioned, my plate is extremely full at the moment, so please keep the prayers coming. I recently got a letter in the mail from a good friend of mine, asking how I manage to keep everything together as a single mom. This question absolutely stumped me because I am far from having everything together! I often finish each day without my head being screwed on straight, but here's what I have learned to do to get through each day,

1. Accept that I can only accomplish so much in one day (not an easy thing and it takes much practice)
   
2. Make special time for Nehemiah everyday (this usually happens in the evening after dinner)
   
3. Pray (how else would I keep my sanity)
   
4. Prioritize (difficult to do when everything seems important)
   
5. Allow myself to have some quiet time (this is still new, but I do like it)
   
6. Cry (who says we're too old for a good tear or two)
   
7. Separate work from my personal life (when I leave the office, I don't bring it home with me)
   
8. Let home be my place of peace (this is crucial)
   

So dear friends, those are just a few things that help me get through the day. Now, if you ask me what I find most frustrating about being a single parent, well that in itself would be a very long post. I do know one thing's for sure, I wouldn't ask for my life to be any different. Although I may complain, I know that things could be much, much worse. Motherhood has brought such a sense of purpose to my life that I couldn't image it any other way. I love Nehemiah more than I could ever try to express, and on most days, he feels the same way (I hope). If I didn't have my son, I wouldn't have a reason to fight through the pain and difficulties that life unfortunately guarantees. Can you tell that I love being a mommy!

Well dear friends, I must say good evening and go back to studying. Feel free to share with me how you keep it all together!

Have a great week.

Louise

This morning I awoke with a pit in the bottom of my stomach. Today is the hardest day of the year for me and my family. Four years ago today, God called my Grammy home. I was very close with Grammy Louise; as a child and as an adult. She was the woman I wanted to be; strong, loving, caring, and devoted. Devotion doesn't even describe the relationship she and God had. Throughout my entire life, Grammy was consistent in her Christian walk. Whenever anyone had a problem they would call my Grammy; she was a prayer warrior. I will never forget the day I got the phone call at work; the call that said Grammy had gone home to be with Jesus. I know being home with Jesus was supposed to be comforting, but at the time, all I could feel was pain. And this pain has left a piece of me empty.

Today will be a challenge. I didn't sleep well, so I'm very fatigued. It's cloudy and raining outside, and I just feel plain blah. I'm dealing with some other issues at the moment, so these emotions of sadness and emptiness are raw. I will take time out to go visit Grammy's resting place. I will pour out my heart to her and fill her in on my life. I will cry and come undone. I will pray.

When I return home, I will be much better. Then next year will come and I'll do it all over again.

I love you Grammy!

2 Corinthians 12:9

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Encourage my soul, and let us journey on

For the night is dark, and I am far from home

Thanks be to God, the morning light appears

The storm is passing over, the storm is passing over, the storm is passing over

Hallelujah

Unapologetic Me

I did not post the last few days because I have not been feeling well. Actually, I was feeling terrible (I hate being a woman sometimes), but I'm proud to report that I'm much better today. On Tuesday, I finally tried out the yoga kit that my mom got for me. I was highly disappointed. The DVD was not what I was expecting, but at least I now have the stretch band and the yoga ball. Seeing that I couldn't use the DVD, I decided to do some hard core stretching. It felt so good to my arms and legs! I did realize that my left leg is not strong enough for any running at the moment. This leg is the one that gives me the most trouble, so I think I need to work on making it stronger. I'm okay with this. I can start walking and eventually begin running. I'm a little sore from the stretching, but it's a good feeling!

Nehemiah is growing like a weed! It looks I will be shopping for more clothes sooner than I expected. On May 12, 2006 I found out I was pregnant. I immediately began calling the baby NuNu. Obviously I didn't know if NuNu was a boy or a girl, but the nickname just felt right. Needless to say, the nickname stuck, so we still call Nehemiah NuNu. The other morning my NuNu looked at me and said, "Mama (my heart melts whenever he calls me this), I only want to be called Nehemiah or Miah. No more NuNu cause I'm a big boy now." He did mention that Nana however could still call him NuNu! I hope that Nehemiah and Nana are still very close when he's older. I will respect Nehemiah's wishes and no longer call him NuNu.

Things with the man friend are going well, and I'm very happy. School is good, but its keeping me so busy this session. I'm taking Sociology and I absolutely love it. I have decided to get my Master's Degree in Human Relations. Human relations is the ability to work through and with others in an organization; something all managers should know how to do. I'm still not 100 % sure what I want to be when I grow up because the options are endless. I am glad that I made the choice to become a business major. I will be working on my bachelor's degree for 2 more years, but why stop there right?

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Taking this Sociology class has taught me a lot about myself. For the past few years, my friend Nic has been telling me that I need to be unapologetic about my life and my choices. I have always considered what people would think about me if I did this or that. These thoughts kept me from doing things that could have made my life and Nehemiah's life much easier. No more will this be the case.

I will no longer apologize for doing whatever is necessary for Nehemiah and me to live our best lives. I will not apologize for what I believe in, for doing things that make me happy, or for any decision I make regarding my child. No more getting approval for living life the way I'm entitled to live it. I'm a grown woman and it's about time that I start putting my needs ahead of those around me. My needs have taken the back burner for so long that I began to feel like I didn't matter. Not anymore. My self-esteem issues stemmed from this, and you know what, I've come a long way, and taking care of me feels good. It makes me feel good, and when I'm happy it shows. I'm not afraid to be my real self anymore. So dear friends, this is me and my life, so you can either take it or leave it. When it comes down to it, you're either on my team or you're not.

Smooches

Weekend Re-Cap

I will never understand how Monday manages to arrive so quickly each week, but here we are again. This weekend was very productive and I got a lot accomplished. On Saturday, I spent the day doing homework, and then we went to Lisa's for our Saturday night dinner. Yesterday, we went to church, and then I went grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is very difficult because my legs usually hurt, but yesterday my legs did fairly well; I thought. When I woke up this morning, my legs were feeling the strain of yesterday's trip to the grocery store. I feel rested (yayJ), so I am definitely making improvements. Hopefully my legs will get better as the day progresses.

Nehemiah had a great weekend as well. A couple of my nieces and nephews came over to play, so he had a lot of fun. Nehemiah finally started playing the drums again at church; he took a sabbatical because some of the other children ruined his drum set. I was going to get pictures of him playing, but I figured I would be drawing unwanted attention to myself. Nehemiah didn't take a nap yesterday, and he had a really hard time going down for bed last night. This morning he was whining and crying anytime he didn't get his way. When it was time for me to take him over to Nana's, he flipped out because he wanted to play outside in the snow. The snow is melting, so really he wanted to play in the mud. When he has such a rough morning, I feel awful leaving him. At least he gets some love and attention from Nana, so I know he will be okay. I think he and I will do something special when I get home.

Over the weekend, I did some research on running. As you know, I really want to start running. Now that spring is making its way to Western New York, I want to get outside just as much as Nehemiah wants to! I need to begin walking first, then gradually work my way into running. Now, here's my dilemma; will my legs prevent me from walking and running? I was determined to get outside and walk yesterday, but grocery shopping took a toll on me, so I couldn't get outside.

If my body prevents me from exercising, how am I ever supposed to reach my weight loss goals?

Have a Great Weekend

I have a ton of homework and studying to do this weekend, so I won't be posting on Saturday or Sunday. On Wednesday, I started my second class of the session and it looks like it's going to be challenging. So dear friends, have a great weekend and enjoy the sunshine (if you're fortunate to have some). See ya Monday!

Wide-Eyed and Rested

Dear friends, I have some exciting news…I woke up this morning with almost no pain! My joints are a bit stiff, but otherwise I feel great. I also feel really rested, and I noticed that this is starting to happen more frequently. I'm beginning to feel normal; something I definitely do not know much about. I think I also figured out why I usually have flare ups on the weekend. I stress so much about getting things done on the weekend. You know things like the laundry, cleaning, and homework. I want everything done bright and early on Saturday, so that the rest of the day (and Sunday) is left for Nehemiah. After watching me freak out for the past few weekends, a little birdie whispered in my ear (thanks mom); relax.

Relax, what does that word mean? I don't relax; I'm always in go mode. How am I supposed to find time to relax? I've tried doing bits and pieces of housework during the week; doesn't work because I'm fatigued after working all day. So, this is what mom and I decided. We will split the housework. If I'm feeling overwhelmed (which is often), mom will do the things I can't handle. I have a difficult time doing the dishes because my hands and legs hurt, so mom has been taking care of the kitchen and the vacuuming. Guess what dear friends; two nights ago I did the dishes! And guess what I did before that; went outside and played in the snow with Nehemiah and my nephew. It was so great! Mom and I decided to take turns with dinner as well, and I kept up my end of the deal because so far, I cooked dinner two nights this week!

These triumphs may not seem at all significant; and if you feel that way then perhaps you should move on to the next blog. As I mentioned before, I need support and encouragement. I seem to be getting a lot of both and it means so much to me. Thank you dear friends! No one understands the struggle that each day brings. I have to make a conscious decision literally each morning to just get out of bed. It would be so much easier to just stay in bed and hurt, but the show must go on. It has to or else I'm letting the Fibromyalgia defeat me. I am too strong for that! Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts, and of course I am grateful to my Lord and Savior for listening!

I'm still having some trouble following my food restrictions. Okay, I haven't been following the restrictions as I should be, but this is really hard. I am having the most trouble finding breakfast foods that I can eat. It's hard for me to eat breakfast at home because I don't get up at the same time each morning. If I feel rested, then I'm up and at 'em at 6. If I'm fatigued, then it's back to bed until 7. This means that I usually grab something on my way to the office. This is bad for numerous reasons; I'm not supposed to have fast food (even breakfast foods), I usually can't find anything nutritious, and I'm spending way too much money. So if someone can offer some suggestions I would most appreciate it. I still haven't found the right time to try out the yoga kit my mom got me, but I'm being hopeful that I can at least open the box this weekend.

The last piece of good news goes a little something like this…I got an email from a volunteer of the National Fibromyalgia Association . The volunteer has been following my blog for awhile, and she would like me to post info about the NFA magazine. The magazine is now available online for free! The volunteer also said she really enjoys my blog (blush). I'm so very excited that people are reading my blog. So, if you're reading please remember to become a follower!

Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees; At Least Not In My Backyard

This morning, I woke up tired and cranky. I slept well, and Nehemiah slept well (in his own bed of course), but something is just very off today. I'm starting to stress about the usual things: school, work, money, money, money, money. Did I mention that I was stressed about money? Let me rephrase that, I'm worried about the lack of money. I'm the woman who is literally holding it all down; by herself. Sometimes things just get to me; the weight of the world is a lot to bear on a daily basis, and when I think I get ahead, I somehow end up taking 3 steps back. Ah, this is so aggravating. There are no fairy godmothers to wave a magic wand, there is no sugar daddy that pays my bills (the thought of that is sounding kinda nice thoughJ), and there is no child support. It's just me, myself, and I.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining; Nehemiah and I are definitely not living in the poor house (perhaps my checkbook would beg to differ), but is there something wrong with wanting more than just what's required to get by? Maybe I'm being over indulgent, or selfish, but just getting by is starting to be very overrated. What am I to do?

It's a Happy Monday

After a weekend full of pain and frustration, I actually woke up this morning at 5am; feeling rested and virtually pain free (thank you Jesus!). I couldn't decide what I should do with the extra hour I had before getting ready for work; start laundry, do the dishes, clean the living room, put some laundry away, do some yoga, pray. I decided to lie in bed and pray. There is so much stuff going on not just in my life, but in the lives of those who I care about and love. After praying for an hour, I felt refreshed. This was exactly what I needed to start my day.

So, if I told you that I would be praying for you; I did!

Another reason I slept so well is because Nehemiah did not wake up until 6:30! This was fabulous because he didn't stand at his door in the middle of the night screaming for me to come and get him. When I went upstairs to take the gate down, he decided that we were going to play hide-and-seek. I went in his room and pretended that I couldn't find him. I looked behind his door and he reached his little arms out and yelled, "Boo, I got you mommy!" He had the biggest smile on his face. He hugged me tightly and said, "Mommy, I'm so proud of myself. I slept in my room all night!" He couldn't wait to go tell Miss Cinnamon and of course Nana!

The other night, Nehemiah crawled on my lap and told me that he would buy me a ring and marry me because he loves me so, so, so very much!

It's moments like these that make all the bad days disappear.

Make sure to share your happy Monday stories with me, and remember;

there's a bit of happiness in each day; we just have to be willing to find it.

Happy Monday Everyone!

Some of My Favorite Things

I'm still not feeling well today, but I was able to take a very long and much needed nap. But...I'm still fatigued. Maybe one day (sooner than later) I will be able to feel rested. Nehemiah didn't get to bed early last night, but I figured that he would at least sleep in this morning. That didn't happen; he was up at 6:30. He also got into my bed some time during the night; tonight, the gate goes back up.



A few months ago, I did some shopping and got some amazing things, so I decided to share them.


Here are some of my favorite things:


My first favorite thing is this lamp. The picture just doesn't do the lamp justice. I have two of them in my living room, and they're great because they give off just enough light to make the room feel cozy. The lamp uses a small bulb (similar to a night light bulb), so in order to have a well-lit room, you need a lamp with a regular bulb. I'm not sure how well you can see the picture on the table, but the picture is of my best friend Mary and I. Mary lives in Georgia, and I miss her very much.





My next favorite item I recently purchased is this end table. This is the same table that houses my lamp. I have two of the end tables (I needed one for each lamp-duh), and they're perfect for my living room. The dark wood goes well the color scheme in my living room. The glass jar you see in the picture holds the sand from my trip to Hawaii that I took last May. I have a piece of Wikiki right in my living room! The little doll is from Russia, and it was a gift I received many years ago. The clock was my grandmother's.









And these are my boots, that I love so very much. I needed some stylish boots to wear with leggings, but all the boots I found had heels, something I cannot wear (thank you Fibromyalgia). I found these boots at a mall in Buffalo. The boots were normally $150, but here's the best part; they were marked down to $29.99! I got the last pair that the store had, and they just happened to be my size. I wanted to buy the boots in black too, but they were all sold out. At least I got the brown ones!

Woe is Me

Last night, my legs felt like they were on fire. They hurt so incredibly bad. My mom spent the night to help me with Nehemiah; she's such a great mom. I woke up this morning without the leg pain, but I was still incredibly tired. I slept in until 9:30, and I feel like I never went to bed. I dreamt last that I was at a hospital telling the doctor all about the frustrations I have with living with Fibromyalgia. When I woke up, I was crying. I guess that I haven't really dealt with the fact that I have Fibromyalgia. I'm learning to deal with the pain and the limitations I face every day; I haven't dealt with the emotional side of having Fibromyalgia. I guess I'm feeling helpless because there's so much that I can't do. I get extremely aggravated because I can't get normal house work done; my mom has to do. This is because my hands and arms hurt so badly. My mom never complains about helping, but I feel like my restrictions are defeating me. After I cry and get upset, I calm down and realize that there are still a lot of things that I can do. I'm able to work each day, and I still can drive (unless my legs hurt). I saw a commercial yesterday that was for a Fibromyalgia website. The people on the commercial were in agony; some were crying. I got teary eyed watching because on certain days, I feel like those people. Learning to live with Fibromyalgia is more than pain management and diet changes; it's an emotional journey.

Today, Nehemiah has been very difficult. Maybe it's because I'm not feeling well and have a low tolerance, but his little attitude has been a bit much. I'm starting to understand what people mean when they say that age three is far worse than the terrible two's. He's so opinionated about everything, and when he gets upset he goes into a full-fledged tantrum. I mean the whole nine yards; jumping up and down, screaming at the top of his lungs, and of course tears. Today, he's decided to have a tantrum if I blinked at him the wrong way. He didn't take a nap, so he will be put to bed very early. Don't get me wrong, I love Nehemiah more than life itself; even when he is being a little monster.

This weekend, I have not had the chance yet to spend time with the man friend. He was going to come over last night, but the weather got really nasty. He was going to come over tonight, but you guess it; more snow and nasty weather. We're keeping our fingers crossed that the snow stops so he can come over tomorrow.

My english class will be finished on Monday, and then I began sociology. I can't believe how fast my classes are going (don't forget I take a new class every 7.5 weeks). I'm so proud of myself because I'm doing very well.

The Optimistic Pessimist

All throughout the day yesterday, I had amazing energy. I thought to myself, "is this how normal people feel every day?" By the evening, the fatigued set in and I ended up falling asleep on the couch with Nehemiah. I actually had a very restful sleep last night, but I'm very fatigued. My mom called me this morning to tell me that the schools were closed because of the snow, so I was praying that the office would be closed. I called my supervisor, and she said we needed to go in. So, after swearing like a sailor all the way to the shower, I sucked it up and got ready for work. After getting out of the shower, I noticed that I had a voicemail; from my supervisor. The message; today is a snow day! Needless to say, I was very pleased.

Nehemiah has done exceedingly well sleeping in his room. I put the nightlight in the hallway, and this really seems to help him. I notice that every day he is becoming more and more independent. He can reach the sink at my mom's house without his step stool. He can dress and undress himself; without any help. He can put his boots and shoes on the correct feet, and he washes himself in the bathtub. He is 3 ft tall and he just keeps growing and growing. I'm such a proud mama!

The other day, my mom decided that we needed to have a talk. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about; I'm a little too old for "the talk," so I knew that conversation wasn't on that topic. Our conversation went like this:

Mom-"Why do you see the negativity in every situation? How come you can't look at the positive things that could happen?"

Me-"Mom, I've been through so much in my 28 years of life that in order to cope with things, I look at what could go wrong instead of looking at what could go right. That way, when the bad things do happen, I'm more prepared."

Mom-"Bad things happen to everyone, but you need to start looking on the bright side and learn how to enjoy life. How are you ever going to be happy if you aren't willing to take chances?"

She was absolutely right; how am I ever going to be happy if I'm not willing to take chances? I'm the type of woman who is very comfortable living in her little box. When I come out of that box, I come undone by the worry of what may go wrong. I've lived my life focusing on what could go wrong, that I've forgotten about what could go right! I can encourage other people to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My light, well it probably will run out of batteries, which would mean that I would be wandering around the tunnel aimlessly trying to find my way out. The optimistic side says, use the flash light application on your cell phone and go on your merry way! To help me weigh the pros and cons of things, I will make lists, but you've guessed it; the bad always outweighs the good. Guess I should stop with the lists huh?

So, here I am embarking on a new journey; one of positive outlook and self discovery. Let's see where this brings me!

To help with my exercise dilemma, my mom found me a yoga kit that I should actually be able to use. The kit came with a journal, a mat, a stretch band, an exercise ball and pump, and a DVD. I'm looking forward to trying it out. I still have more weight to lose; I would like to lose 30 more pounds (I've lost 18 so far and it's really making a difference), but my physician only wants me to lose 15 to 20 pounds. However, the side effects of the Fibromyalgia medication is weight gain and increased appetite. Once I get a handle on eating the foods I can have, I should be all set…I hope.