The Mommy Meltdown

The temperature has dropped into the 30's again, and it's raining. So, it's dark and cold, and I'm tired. I am having the hardest time waking up in the morning. I would like to be up at 6 am so that I can get in a workout, but I usually end up sleeping until 7. Tonight, I'm going to try setting my alarm for 5, so that way if I keep hitting the snooze button, I should wake up by 6. Brilliant, yes I know. I had a great weekend. No flare ups! I worked my butt off on homework (which I'm swamped with this week too), and spent time with Nehemiah and the family. Nothing too exciting to report, but that's just fine by me. Oh wait, this is exciting; I have a 98 average in Sociology. I'm working hard to keep it up!

I do have some bad news to report. Nehemiah has spent the last 4 nights in bed with me. Now, I'm so tired at night, that I have been falling right asleep, and I've been staying asleep. Last night, I remember telling Nehemiah to go back to his room, but then I immediately fell back asleep. I woke up this morning, and there he was. Here's how the conversation went,

Me: "Nehemiah, why are you in my bed?"

Nehemiah: "Because I didn't listen to you when you told me to go back in my room. You went back to sleep, and I got in your bed. Maybe you should just put my bed in your room, or let me sleep in here again."

Smart little booger isn't he? So, here's my plan of action: continue to put the gate up at his doorway (he screamed at the top of his lungs the other night until I got up and took it down), slightly close my door (enough so that if he peeks his head out over the gate, he will think the door is closed), and pray that I keep my sanity. Now, the children in my family tend to not sleep in their own beds or in their own rooms, so Nehemiah and I are making a statement. One that says, "I'm the mom, and I'm not a pushover!" I have a fabulous relationship with my pediatrician, so I think I may give her a call this afternoon. I got over the fears I had about Nehemiah sleeping in his own room, and I now love having my bed to myself. When Nehemiah gives me grief about going to bed, it throws our whole night way off. He gets to bed late, so he wakes up cranky, and I don't get my much needed alone time. Someone help me pleeeeaaaassss!

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So, how about I had a major mommy meltdown Sunday morning before church. I got some new clothes back in January (super cute stuff that was like 70% off), and I haven't worn all of them yet. I didn't try the clothes on when I purchased them because everything was in my size. Sunday morning, I tried on this little denim jacket I bought, and guess what: IT DIDN'T FIT. I thought my mom was going to have to come and cut it off me (and I am not saying this so that you can get a laugh)! I tried on something different, thinking, okay no big deal. WRONG. The next shirt I tried on also didn't fit. I totally lost it! I screamed some obscenities (Nehemiah was not in hearing distance of course), cried (literally) that I was fat, shouted at my boobs for being too big, and then ripped through my closet to find something that did fit. Needless to say, we were late for church, but I did complements on the outfit I put together.

I don't obsess about weighing myself, but of course I got on the scale immediately after church. I have maintained my weight, so I don't know what the problem is. Now, I'm freaking out and obsessing about my weight. I still want to lose 30 more pounds, but I have been at a standstill. I announced to my mother that I will lose the rest of this weight very soon! I'm going to continue to do whatever it takes. I will keep you all up to date on how my progress is going. I'm ready for this challenge!