Yes I Can!

I spent a lot of time in prayer yesterday,

 and I actually wrote in my journal for the first time since January.

I went to the library to write, and I enjoyed the atmosphere and the quiet.

Putting down my experiences, fears, and feelings on paper was a way for me to let it all go.

I even wrote about the breakup, which was a topic I had been avoiding.

For some reason I felt that if I wrote about it on paper, it would make it real, which in the end meant it was really over. I discovered that I'm okay with the fact that it's really over.

It's time for me to move forward.

When I was done writing, I had a clear head and I decided to review my options for my class.

When I got back home, I checked my school email and I found this:

Hello Thomasina,

The biggest variable that can work in your favor (or not) is how you self message yourself.  If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself "I'm a winner, yes I can," you'll do it!!!

Please, please don't give up.  I have faith in you.

Remember, "yes you can!"

 I'm with you.  Don't be afraid.

I received this email from my accounting professor in response to the email I sent her.

In my email, I stated that I didn't think I could pass the course, so I was just giving up.

My plan was to fail the course, and then retake it next session.

After much deliberation and correspondence with my professor {and my mom}, I decided…

NOT TO GIVE UP!

I'm going to finish and pass this course.

It's funny how an encouraging word {or email in my case} can remedy feelings of discouragement and doubt.

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I called and informed my mom of my final decision she said something amazing:

"Remember to tell yourself that you can do this. I've believed in you all along."

Remarkable.

This Thursday I'm thankful for kind words and for the love of my family and friends.

I'm also thankful for all of you who left me encouraging words.

I get comfort in knowing that you all care about my success.

Stay Sweet and Don't Forget to Tell Yourself

"Yes I Can!!"

T.

 

 

 

Breaking Point

Although today is Tuesday, I'm not going to link up for Target Tuesday. 

This is because I need to get some things off my chest, and out my head.

I'm struggling with school.  I mean really struggling. 

I'm having panic attacks.

My head is aching.

My stomach is upset and I can't tolerate food.

 

I'm at my breaking point.

 

I don't know how much more of this I can withstand.

My faith is dwindling because I feel all alone, like I'm not getting any help.

The more I pray, the harder it all becomes.

I'm losing my ability to function.

My whole life is based upon and around school.

 

I'm mad at this stupid accounting class.

I'm mad at online education.

I'm mad that I have to cover 15 weeks of material in 7 weeks.

 

I'm mad at the laundry that needs washing and folding and putting away.

I'm mad at the dishes that need washing.

I'm mad at the floor that needs vacuuming.

 

I'm mad at myself for possibly taking on more than I can handle.

I'm mad at myself for being so incredibly stressed out.

I'm mad at myself for believing that I can't accomplish my goal.

I'm mad at myself for not being able to do everything that needs to be done.

I'm mad at myself for not being able to understand accounting.

What am I supposed to do?

 

I'm at my breaking point.

 

 

 

Will There Be an End?

I'm feeling some type of way today.

I'm totally unmotivated and I woke up with a double dose of daily anxiety. Yes friends, I have anxiety and if I'm not careful that anxiety will turn into a seizure.

The main reason for my anxiousness is this accounting class I'm taking.

It's beyond difficult, and no matter how many hours a day I spend studying I still manage to fail the quizzes. The quizzes are ambiguous, and personally I don't think they make a fair attempt for success. Not to mention, the freakin' teacher called me by my last name, and this made me realize that she probably doesn't even know who I am!

I am not just a number dear accounting professor, I am a human being and I would like it if you took the time to realize that my name is Thomasina.

Thanks, bye.

The weather is beautiful and the sun is shining, and I want to be outdoors enjoying it.

I studied outside for a bit yesterday and it was a nice change of scenery.

I just wish I could accomplish more in a day besides studying accounting.

Luckily my mom comes over almost every day to help me out.

She's terrific, and I love the fact that she encourages me whenever I feel like giving up.

It just seems that I don't have time for anything, and I feel like I'm sacrificing so much.

 I want to get back into scrapbooking, but it's been put on the back burner for a very long time.

I want to go back to reading a new book every two weeks.

I try to read every night before bed, but lately I've been up late with accounting.

I still have a very long road ahead of me for my undergrad work, which is making me rethink online education.

I'm starting to wonder if I will ever really see the rewards of all my hard work.

I hate when I start feeling this way.

Can I really see this all the way through?

Can anyone else relate to my anxiety?

Have a Fabulous Weekend, and Do Something Extra Special For Yourself!

T.

Almost Doesn’t Count

I haven't posted in awhile because I had to kick my butt into full gear for school. Of course this didn't happen until after I discovered that I had screwed up the deadline for a major course project. Typically all assignments are due on Saturday by midnight {remember I attend online}, but the course project was due on a Wednesday! Needless to say, I effed up big time.
By the time I realized I had effed up it was Friday, so I got busy writing my paper. However, my thoughts just couldn't come together. To be frank, the paper sucked. By the afternoon I had shut my computer down, and I started having a breakdown. Seriously, I broke down. I kept crying hysterically and wondering if maybe I had taken on too much. Being a single parent with Fibromyalgia and seizures leaves a lot on my plate. I know I wasn't being rational, but I had decided that I was quitting. There were only 1.5 weeks left in the course, but enough was enough. I was done. Why did I ever think I could go back to school and succeed at it? That thought made me form the conclusion that I was not only quitting the course; I was quitting school all together.
Prior to two years ago, all I ever wanted was to go back to school-and actually see it all the way through. I went to college right after high school, but two semesters prior to graduation I dropped out. I had decided I no longer wanted to be a teacher, and I was too invested in the school of love, or so I thought. I try not to live with regret, but this is one of the biggest regrets I carry around with me. And here I was again, ready to quit.
Luckily, I regained my common sense after talking with a very good friend of mine. Sometimes you just need to be reminded that you can succeed, and that quitting is not an option. I can't quit whenever life gets hard. If quitting were always an option, I wouldn't be half the mother I am today because let me tell you, parenting is one of the hardest things I have EVER done!
So, Saturday morning I woke up nice and early and began working on my paper. Now let me remind you, I could have lied to avoid losing points once I turned the paper in. But I didn't lie; I screwed up the due date, so I took my punishment like a champ. I lost 30 points for turning in the paper late, but the loss of those points taught me one very valuable lesson.

Pay attention to all freaking deadlines!

I start my next class tomorrow, and I can assure you that all due dates will be marked in my planner.


Have a great week, and always stay sweet!
T.