The Optimistic Pessimist

All throughout the day yesterday, I had amazing energy. I thought to myself, "is this how normal people feel every day?" By the evening, the fatigued set in and I ended up falling asleep on the couch with Nehemiah. I actually had a very restful sleep last night, but I'm very fatigued. My mom called me this morning to tell me that the schools were closed because of the snow, so I was praying that the office would be closed. I called my supervisor, and she said we needed to go in. So, after swearing like a sailor all the way to the shower, I sucked it up and got ready for work. After getting out of the shower, I noticed that I had a voicemail; from my supervisor. The message; today is a snow day! Needless to say, I was very pleased.

Nehemiah has done exceedingly well sleeping in his room. I put the nightlight in the hallway, and this really seems to help him. I notice that every day he is becoming more and more independent. He can reach the sink at my mom's house without his step stool. He can dress and undress himself; without any help. He can put his boots and shoes on the correct feet, and he washes himself in the bathtub. He is 3 ft tall and he just keeps growing and growing. I'm such a proud mama!

The other day, my mom decided that we needed to have a talk. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about; I'm a little too old for "the talk," so I knew that conversation wasn't on that topic. Our conversation went like this:

Mom-"Why do you see the negativity in every situation? How come you can't look at the positive things that could happen?"

Me-"Mom, I've been through so much in my 28 years of life that in order to cope with things, I look at what could go wrong instead of looking at what could go right. That way, when the bad things do happen, I'm more prepared."

Mom-"Bad things happen to everyone, but you need to start looking on the bright side and learn how to enjoy life. How are you ever going to be happy if you aren't willing to take chances?"

She was absolutely right; how am I ever going to be happy if I'm not willing to take chances? I'm the type of woman who is very comfortable living in her little box. When I come out of that box, I come undone by the worry of what may go wrong. I've lived my life focusing on what could go wrong, that I've forgotten about what could go right! I can encourage other people to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My light, well it probably will run out of batteries, which would mean that I would be wandering around the tunnel aimlessly trying to find my way out. The optimistic side says, use the flash light application on your cell phone and go on your merry way! To help me weigh the pros and cons of things, I will make lists, but you've guessed it; the bad always outweighs the good. Guess I should stop with the lists huh?

So, here I am embarking on a new journey; one of positive outlook and self discovery. Let's see where this brings me!

To help with my exercise dilemma, my mom found me a yoga kit that I should actually be able to use. The kit came with a journal, a mat, a stretch band, an exercise ball and pump, and a DVD. I'm looking forward to trying it out. I still have more weight to lose; I would like to lose 30 more pounds (I've lost 18 so far and it's really making a difference), but my physician only wants me to lose 15 to 20 pounds. However, the side effects of the Fibromyalgia medication is weight gain and increased appetite. Once I get a handle on eating the foods I can have, I should be all set…I hope.