Weekend Rewind

I'm so proud to say that for the past three nights…NEHEMIAH HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN HIS OWN ROOM!!!! I'm praying that this accomplishment lasts this time. I have no problem admitting that I'm at fault just as much, if not more, to blame for this bedtime catastrophe. There have even been a few instances in which I have gone into his bedroom and carried him back to my room. Reason being, he's my security blanket…okay it's more like I'm a control freak and feel like I have more control over the unknown if Nehemiah is near me {I know, I need to relax}. Yes, I'm a believer and I know full well,

Psalm 4:8
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

However when my mind starts in on all the "what if's," I sometime let fear and worry overtake me. This is something I can promise you that I'm working on and of course praying about.

Friday night we had a special meeting at church in regards to some very important changes. A few months ago our beloved pastor went home to be with Jesus, and since then his son has taken over as our pastor. Although our new pastor is not an unknown face to our congregation, getting used to a new leader has become a challenge for me. The death of my pastor was difficult because he had been my pastor for literally my entire life! How do you just let go and automatically fall under the leadership of someone new?

On Friday we became aware of some changes that our new pastor wants to propose, and I just don't know if I can continue to roll with the punches. I love my church, and the members have really grown in faith and dedication to the Lord. We have one goal in common; to make it to Heaven some day. I am the youth leader and I'm also in charge of children's church, but I've been quite stagnant with my youth group responsibilities for various reasons. Now that I have more free time, I want to get back to my youth group duties.

However, I'm torn between staying at the church where I have been my whole life, compared to just packing up and going someplace new. Just like a job, every church will have their own set of unique problems, so I can't run to a new church and expect things to be perfect all the time. I would have to visit other churches in my town to determine where Nehemiah and I would go to worship, and frankly I'm not too keen on that idea. All I know is that I will not make a move without knowing full well that I'm doing what's best for Nehemiah and me. So until that day comes, I will continue seeking God for direction.

Saturday morning I woke up and did some cleaning and laundry. Now, I know most people don't get excited about cleaning and laundry but here's why this is so special. Cleaning used to exhaust me, and my body ached so bad that I just didn't have the stamina to get my house in order. Not to mention tackling the basement stairs while carrying a laundry basket was a nightmare for both my legs and my hands. I haven't carried a laundry basket down to the basement since the end of May {don't worry; my mom took care of the laundry for me because she's a great mommy!}. After the laundry was washed, I was even able to hang some of the clothes on the line so that they could dry outside {one of my efforts in making my household more Green}! I can't wait to tell my occupational therapist about this milestone.

Saturday evening Nehemiah, Raheem {my nephew, in case you forgot}, and I went to the MOPS {mothers of preschoolers} family picnic. My nephew, his girlfriend, and their three-month-old son {whom I just love to pieces} went too. The picnic was to kick off the new year of MOPS, and I wasn't too sure if I was going to attend after receiving the invitation. The MOPS chapter in my town meets at a local church, and I've heard great things about the program but wasn't sure if I wanted to attend. This was mainly because at the time I had so many time constraints, but now that my evenings are pretty open I decided to venture out and try something new. I also wasn't sure if the other parents would treat me differently because I'm a single parent. I only knew two women at the picnic, but I met some awesome mamas who were more than willing to welcome Miah and me. Child care is provided during the meetings, so Miah gets to come to the meetings with me! Meeting other moms is always a wonderful way to build a support network, so I really think this a great opportunity. The first meeting is in a few weeks, so I'll have to post some updates.

Sunday was wet, rainy, and a little cold {I smell fall in the air-and I'm a little excited}. We ate breakfast and then got ready to head out to church. We had an amazing church service, and my soul felt refreshed. When we got back home some of the family came over, so we spent the afternoon hanging out watching movies. Nehemiah and Raheem went outside for a little bit and managed to get mud all over their arms, legs, hands, and back! Then they both proceeded to walk into the house with the mud. I almost blew a gasket! Luckily the mud was more attracted to the boys than to my carpet! Needless to say, days like that remind me of the reason I only have one child! But just as my mom says, "boys will be boys." I say, "thank goodness for washer machines, soap, and water!"

Nehemiah had a rough afternoon, and by evening I had grown tired of the whining and crying. By dinner time I had exhausted myself with redirecting him that I handled a situation simply by giving him a kiss and telling him that I loved him. We both had a much better evening after that. Better, not perfect, but in those crazy moments you really learn how to pick your battles. My friend Lisa and her kids came over for dinner, so Nehemiah was happy to have some more buddies over and his behavior improved dramatically. He ended up falling asleep quite early, so I blame tiredness for his behavior.

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend, and I hope you have an even better week!!!

Motherhood

On Tuesday I had the procedure done to determine what's going on with my tummy. The procedure determined that there is nothing extremely problematic going on, which is a blessing! I have a follow-up with the specialist in a few weeks, and I have to meet with my primary doctor soon. My primary doctor thinks it may be Crohn's Disease or Colitis. Both are easy fixes and although I don't want either, I'm so thankful that cancer isn't something we have to consider. I'm feeling pretty great today {I had a versed reaction to the pain meds, so I was ill for the past few days}, and luckily my Fibro pain is at a 1 today {my pain is measured on a scale of 0-10 with 0 being no pain and 10 being severe pain}. Nehemiah has been praying for me every day, and he's been such a big help around the house. I fall more in love with him every day! He has such a servant's heart, and I'm so thankful God blessed me with a wonderful son.

So, I spent all afternoon and evening composing my wish list for the fall fashion items that I adore and guess what, I can't get the stupid pictures to show up!!!! Grrrr, talk about irritating. Anyway, I haven't posted since last week so I figured I needed to get something up soon, which brings to the topic of motherhood. I love being a mom, but being a single mom can be complicated and let's face it, challenging. Earlier today I had a conversation with another single mom, and we discussed what could have possibly attracted us to the fathers of our children. I explained that although we are not the "typical" family, I wouldn't change any aspect of my life. If it wasn't for Nehemiah's father, I wouldn't have Nehemiah. No matter how much I hate to admit that, it's the truth. I have an awesome little guy, and I would travel down that road over and over again just to get to Nehemiah.

I used to be guilty of wishing my life was more like the fabulous lives of my friends. This included being skinny, having money, having a husband, owning a home, driving a new car, being able to go shopping all the time, and traveling {call me shallow, I can take it}. Then I realized that my life isn't so bad. I have what I need, and I've been lucky enough to usually get some of the things that I want. If I lived the life of someone else, my life would be lacking one very important thing; the ability to be Nehemiah's mama. The thought of that makes me nauseated because I love my son so much. So although this rode is bumpy, and I sometimes have to cry myself to sleep, I wouldn't want to live the life of anyone else. Being Thomasina means that I get to be called mama, and that's a name I never grow tired of hearing!

Don't forget Project Runway tonight. I'm so hoping Casanova goes home; I just don't think he has what it takes to make it.

Contentment

Having Fibromyalgia apparently means that other body parts and or organs feel like they have permission to misbehave. I have been having some tummy issues, and today I met with the specialist and next Tuesday I will be having a procedure done. Only after the procedure will we know for sure what's going on. Tomorrow is my third cranial sacral therapy {a form of occupational therapy used for pain management} session, and so far it has worked wonders for my pain. I can actually remember how great feeling "normal" is!

Nehemiah is peachy, and he has been loving these long {and did I mention hot and humid} summer days. He went to vacation Bible school last week and was so sad when Friday came around. I found out that we have a Christian elementary school here in town, so I'm thinking that once Nehemiah gets closer to kindergarten I will have to check it out.

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I purchased a magazine on Friday, and Jennifer Hudson was on the cover. She looks amazing {of course}, but after reading the article I was a little discouraged. Now, I'm not sure what sparked Jennifer Hudson's weight loss, and although she is now a size 6 I thought she was beautiful at a size 16. Why is it that women are only "beautiful" when they're skinny? Who decided that being thin was the goal that most women would spend their existence trying to reach? This drives me nuts! I was at the gym 5 days a week, but I had to stop going because of some health issues. It felt good having time to myself for a little while every day, but I felt like I was killing myself because every move and decision I made resulted around my weight. I'm not over weight nor unhealthy, all I wanted was to look like everyone else; skinny.

There, I said it…I'm guilty of doing the very thing I cannot stand for women to do-compare themselves. It seems that we always want something else, never being content where we are. We should never become stagnant or complacent; in fact we should strive to become better individuals. My point is we miss the greatness of today if we're too busy hoping for what tomorrow may or may not bring. The truth is I weigh what I weigh, and I wear the size that I wear. I'm curvy, always have been even when I wore a much smaller pant size. I'm healthy and that's no longer something I take lightly. I'm never going to look like the people I see on television, and that's okay. Those people are not me, and they don't live the great life that God handcrafted just for me. Of course things could be better in my life…much easier perhaps. However, I don't think I would be as strong as I am if I lived the life of someone else {or walked a mile or two in their skinny jeans}.

And that strength my friend is what brings me contentment.

A Bit of This and a Whole Lot of That

So many changes have taken place that I had to start writing again before I forgot all the details.

Seeing that Nehemiah and I are on a new journey, I figured what better way to introduce our changes than by a blog makeover {think it looks good if I may say so myself}.  Onto the changes.

1.) I finally got water baptized on July 11th.  This was an amazing moment that has since deepened my relationship with Christ.  I have been making time each day, usually in the morning, to just be still and know that He is God.  My days are so much better when I keep Christ first.

2.) I was blessed with the opportunity to become self-employed {this is the most detail I'll give seeing that after all, this is the Internet}, which means that I'm officially a stay at home mom!  Prior to leaving the office, Nehemiah informed me that I was always cranky when I came home.  My plate was too full and I didn't know how to down size, so when the opportunity presented itself I decided that leaving the office was the best choice for Nehemiah and myself.  In making my decision I made up my mind that money would not stop me from doing what was best for us, so we're learning how to cut back on things that are really not necessary.

3.) I've been pain free for...are you ready? 3 days!  I started receiving Craniosacrial Therapy last week for the Fibromyalgia and so far it has been a huge success.  The occupational therapist caught on quickly that I don't relax {i'm learning}, and so she has demanded that I take some time out of my day each day for me {I can get used to that}.  The bad news is I have some other health issues going on, but my doctor isn't too worried at this point.  I have to have a procedure done soon, so your prayers are appreciated.

4.) You all know that sleeping is a very difficult activity for me and anyone else with Fibro.  Well, I've only had to take 1/2 of the pill that I take at bedtime {it's not a sleeping pill so no worries}for a restful night's sleep.  I can take up to 3 pills, which I've had to do in the past, but for the last month or so I've been able to decrease the dose.  I've been staying up later than 9:30pm, and I wake up each morning refreshed. 

5.) Nehemiah is growing and thriving and has turned into a preschooler {gulp}.  I love being home with him everyday because I get to watch him as he makes discoveries.  I know all parents think their children are the best, and of course I'm no exception because I have the best kid in the world.  We're still battling the sleeping-in-his-bed issue, but he's beginning to stay in his room for majority of the night. 

Here is Nehemiah holding a snail for the first time!

6.) As of next Saturday, I will have completed one year of school {insert your applauds here please}!  Now only two more to go then onto grad school.  I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll figure it out.

So now you're all caught up on what you've missed for the month.  I look forward to posting regularly again, as well as catching up on your lives.  It's long over due!

Where I Am Right Now

I received the following in an email this morning, and it sums up my life right now. I know I have been distant-in fact I have been non-existent to my blog, but I am experiencing a lot of struggles and uncertainties, and frankly I haven’t been in the sharing mood. Know that I haven’t forgotten about you, and I am hoping to catch up on all the blogs I follow over the next few days. Nehemiah is great, and when I look in his eyes I’m reminded of the reasons I cannot give up!


The ground I stand on is shaky, and the floor beneath me is cracked; nothing has remained constant except for change. I’m leaning on the fact that,

“This too shall pass.”

LORD PROP US UP...{there is more to this story, but here is what I wanted to share}

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old fellow who always prayed, ‘Lord, prop us up on our leanin’ side.’ After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered, ‘Well sir, you see, it’s like this.... I got an old barn out back. It’s been there a long time; it’s withstood a lot of weather; it’s gone through a lot of storms, and it’s stood for many years.

It’s still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a bit.

So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn’t fall.

Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn. I’ve been around a long time. I’ve withstood a lot of life’s storms. I’ve withstood a lot of bad weather in life, I’ve withstood a lot of hard times, and I’m still standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, ‘cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at times.

Hello Sunshine

Hello sunshine it's been too long
since I felt your beautiful warmth upon my face
And how much have I missed
'Cause I've been focused on everything wrong
This road just felt so long
I forgot to lift my head to see you

Oh my lovely shining for me
Let my eyes see all the beauty
Oh-oh

Hello sunshine since the moment
That I felt your beautiful warmth
I knew that I'd do anything
To keep this feeling of you
My heart comes alive
Oh who could add a day to this life
By drowning every dark sky

Oh my lovely shining for me
Let my eyes see all the beauty
Oh-oh

Fill my dark skies
Make me see the light
Life is fine so bring in the sunshine
Oh-oh

Whoa-oh let in the sunshine
Whoa-oh let in the sunshine
Whoa-oh let in the sunshine
Let in the sunshine
{Song by BarlowGirl}

Windshield Wipers & God

Good early evening dear friends. I only have a few minutes to chat, but I wanted to share something with you. But before I get to that here are the usuals. My body is feeling great today {and it's cold and rainy}, but that nasty fatigue has plagued me all freaking day. I have a follow up with my doc tomorrow, so I'm preparing myself for the details coming from that visit. At most my meds are going to be increased.

So remember the little darling love of my life otherwise known as Nehemiah. Yeah well he did great sleeping in his room last night…or so I thought. I woke up this morning and who was laying next to me, that's right, Nehemiah. When he woke up this is how our conversation went,

Me: Nehemiah, did you wake me up before you got in my bed?

Nehemiah: Nope because you would tell me to go back in my own bed.

Me: Why did you come in my bed Nehemiah?

Nehemiah: Um… {long pause} I had a nightmare that I didn't have a family because they were all in Heaven.

That kid sure knows how to bank on my heart strings! So of course I scoop him up and ensure him that all of the family is fine and I tell him that I love him and how great he is and then I realize something. Nehemiah pondered a moment before answering why he came into my bed, and then he started his sentence with "um." So now the mommy radar goes off; my kid just played me. There was no nightmare {he would have woken me up}, the little booger just didn't want to stay in his bed! So I look into Nehemiah's eyes and ask him again why he got in my bed and this time I get…I don't want to talk about it, and he jumps off my lap and goes on his merry little way. Grrrrr. Gasp. Foot stomp. When did the kid get smarter than the parent? What am I going to do with this little pistol!

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Ok so now onto what I want to share. I had a discovery yesterday while driving to work. As you know I hate rain. The dampness, the dark skies, and the spots it leaves on your glasses, the coldness; yes, I hate every aspect of rain. Well while I was driving something hit me {not physically}, and I suddenly welcomed the rain. I watched as each drop fell on my windshield only to be wiped away. More rain would fall, and sooner or later the wiper blades would come on and do its job.

The rain reminded me of all the tears I have cried over the past few months. Tons of tears for various reasons. The wiper blades reminded me of God. See, the rain would stay on the windshield if the wipers were not turned on. My tears would continue to pile on my heart if I didn't ask God to wipe them away. Just like the wiper blades cannot do their job if you don't turn them on, God can't come in and intervene in your life unless you invite Him. Once the wiper blades were turned on, more rain could fall on the windshield but they couldn't stay there. They will keep getting wiped away. So, the tears that come from hurt and pain can continue to come, but they can't stay. God will eventually wipe them away. So, I said all that to say that I must constantly remind myself that no matter how many tears I will cry, I can always depend on God to wipe them away. Make sense?